tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post6211932268268106081..comments2023-12-19T23:18:30.239-05:00Comments on Reticulated Writer: Even the fiercest mothers....Reticulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-21963480962728851822012-08-30T16:42:59.356-04:002012-08-30T16:42:59.356-04:00Thank you for telling this story, which is so hard...Thank you for telling this story, which is so hard for me to imagine, Zann. I remember you wading into a swimming pool with all your clothes on because you thought Patrick was in trouble in the water. We all have bad mommy stories, but this certainly doesn't define you as a mother.<br /><br />I swatted my kids a couple of times too. It felt awful. First because I don't like hitting people, especially those I love most in the world. And second because I have a temper I keep tightly buttoned down. I never want to lose it with my kids. I know what it feels like when an adult loses it and lets go with the hands or the stick or the belt. I never wanted my kids to feel that from me. There are other ways to resolve conflicts.<br /><br />We learn to parent by making mistakes sometimes. Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-10344821880958271092012-08-30T16:33:57.424-04:002012-08-30T16:33:57.424-04:00I want that shirt! Black, and make sure it shows s...I want that shirt! Black, and make sure it shows some cleavage. I suppose I'll have to start packing pistols, a couple in my purse and one in my van. For some people, it's a good thing I don't.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-3865995413523515702012-08-30T16:32:12.391-04:002012-08-30T16:32:12.391-04:00Hard to call it a best, isn't it? But that bri...Hard to call it a best, isn't it? But that brings up just one more problem I have with turning people in: the foster care system isn't necessarily better than an abusive parent. While there are some wonderful, caring, eventually to be burnt out parents in the foster system, there are also way too many abusive pieces of shit like the one you saw. Too many kids go from a bad situation with someone they at least know and love to a worse one with strangers. Or relatives. I wish we had better answers.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-31061015217809899052012-08-30T11:01:28.778-04:002012-08-30T11:01:28.778-04:00I'm going to make a confession here. When I wa...I'm going to make a confession here. When I was a younger mother, I spanked. A swat on the leg or butt. Occasionally...actually, rarely, and it seemed huge & terrible when I did. I always felt awful. And one day I vowed that I would never, ever hit one of my children again. And I didn't. And when I took that option out forever, it opened the door for better, kinder, much more effective ways to respond to my children's behavior. That's another story. As are any stories I have about other mothers' abusive actions.<br /><br />The story I want to tell, the story that makes me ashamed to this day is about ME being the raging mom. It's about leaving a full cart of groceries in the store and dragging my son Shaun out to the car, where I yelled at him and reached over and smacked his upper leg. Hard.<br /><br />And a little old lady appeared at my window and wailed "Doooooooon't! Don't hit that child!"<br />And I was rude and mean and snarly to her. I probably said something like 'this is my child and it's none of your business'<br /><br />And a man I presume was her son, came up to gently lead her away, arm protectively around her and said to me, just as gently "Don't talk to her like that. It IS her business -she has a heart." And walked away.<br /><br /> I've never forgotten how brave that woman was to confront me, though,and between her and her son, they effectively stopped my angry tirade at Shaun. I felt small and remorseful.<br /><br />I'd like to say that's the day that made hitting my children Not An Option Ever, but it wasn't that day. It probably took me way closer to it though.<br /><br />One way or the other, being the witness to or the perpetrator of violence...there's a lot of wishing we'd done better....'Zannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02883332169523460695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-55763772092506913222012-08-30T08:47:21.029-04:002012-08-30T08:47:21.029-04:00While it's perhaps too light for the current v...While it's perhaps too light for the current vein, I totally want to get you a shirt that says "WWGTD? What would Gemma Teller Do?" on the front, and SOA Matriarch on the back.<br /><br />~Drake~Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-32495589168538992962012-08-28T22:24:43.296-04:002012-08-28T22:24:43.296-04:00I deal with this struggle - or some version of thi...I deal with this struggle - or some version of this struggle - Monday through Friday of every single week. That feeling of doing all you can, and still knowing it's not even a drop in the bucket just sucks. I do everything I can do, and it just has to be enough.<br /><br />And yet, last weekend I was in Wal-Mart and the woman in front of me was announcing to everyone around her (loudly and obnoxiously) that the children with her were not her biological children, they were foster children, and that she thought it was ridiculous for the state to keep children together, because she would have preferred that the twins she's fostering be separated. She then looked right in the face of the 7 or 8 year old boys and said, "that's right, I want you guys pulled apart so you can get your #*$& together. You're too much for anybody. And I'm going to tell people that, too." She went on in this manner, and I became more and more upset...<br /><br />But I didn't say anything.<br /><br />Me, who acts on this stuff and confronts it head on every single day...I didn't say a damn thing. Didn't do anything at all. I just stood there and watched those poor kiddos take it. <br /><br />I don't really believe in god, or in prayer...but sometimes, I really think the best you can do is to walk away holding the child's face in your heart.Autodidactpoethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860752713734930046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-9916016432094913092012-08-28T12:06:45.038-04:002012-08-28T12:06:45.038-04:00I know you're right. There will always be thos...I know you're right. There will always be those times when you think you should have been able to do better.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-33411508970411038562012-08-28T12:05:08.847-04:002012-08-28T12:05:08.847-04:00I guess we saw people describe much worse on the h...I guess we saw people describe much worse on the homeschool boards. We just didn't have to see or hear it in action.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-49861108294607937452012-08-28T09:33:12.512-04:002012-08-28T09:33:12.512-04:00The hardest lesson I've had to learn, and am s...The hardest lesson I've had to learn, and am still learning, is that I can't save the world. I do my best when and where I can. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13390771077175929321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-17366280373993665112012-08-28T08:36:13.213-04:002012-08-28T08:36:13.213-04:00I don't judge. Been there.I don't judge. Been there.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06413795611563683135noreply@blogger.com