Friday, November 20, 2015

NaBloPoMo #20: Are those really my keywords?

Every once in a while I remember to look at my stats on Blogger and see what keywords people are using to get to my blog. A while ago Google stopped keeping track of keywords, which was a shame, because they were often hilarious -- although a few times I got keyword searches that were so disturbing I couldn't look again until they rolled off the list. One of the dangers of writing about sex plus a lot of other topics, I guess. Other search engines still show me how their searchers got to my blog though. Here's a list of some of the best from the past month, with my comments in parenthesis.

  • how do labia hold penis (I'm not sure how this one made it to the top of the list. Or I should say, I'm not sure why this search was done more than once and more than twice. I'm pretty sure I've never thought to actually define which one of the lady bits holds the penis. I do know if you're relying on the labia to hold the penis, you could easily end up online trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. Labia just aren't that muscular.)
  • redhead vagina (You wouldn't believe how many times I've been asked that question.)
  • became friends (That's the guy who tried to get the labia to hold the penis.)
  • boys wearing panties (Not my business.)
  • car led smiley (?)
  • face off panties (I did post a photo of some face on panties, but "face off panties" sounds kind of creepy, like "Get your face off my panties.")
  • family nude suits (That's an old Wordless Wednesday photo of a family in weird pink naked costumes. How many people are looking for those suits? Why? For their Christmas card photos? The photo is kind of disturbing, and I almost didn't post it because the young daughter is playing with the dad's fake penis. I wasn't sure if it was funny or vile.)
  • f├╝nflinge (I had to google the translation. It means quintuplets. I never would have guessed.)
  • labia slip out (Sounds painful. And impossible. Slip out of what ... Don't tell me. I don't want that stuck in my head.)
  • background powerpoint thank you bergerak (You're welcome.)
  • guinness world record fuck (I had to google this one too. I learned more about competitive sex than I really wanted to know. Like the record for a female gang bang is 919 men in 24 hours. There is a video, but I didn't look for it. I do have questions though. How the hell did she get 919 men to line up and fuck her? And did she use a record amount of lube? Condoms? What constituted a finished fuck? Did he have to come? Who fed that hoard? How would you explain to your grandchildren that your iron vagina was your only claim to fame? OH! But the longest actual fuck was 9 hours and 58 minutes, a record that disappointed people with OCD all over the world. He couldn't hold on 2 more seconds to make a nice round number? Sigh. And yet another woman is disappointed by a man who came too soon. I wonder who holds the record for that.)
  • mens c string (No. Just no. Boxers or briefs. No other choices.)
  • most beautiful vagina (Mine, of course. Guinness called me just yesterday.)

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