tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post5560290886543692372..comments2023-12-19T23:18:30.239-05:00Comments on Reticulated Writer: Nov 16: In Which I'm a Victim of My Hair ColorReticulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-84889359422821300762011-11-21T12:06:19.323-05:002011-11-21T12:06:19.323-05:00He can't hurt you any more. And you were more ...He can't hurt you any more. And you were more powerful than you knew. I'm sure of that.<br /><br /><br />You did the best you could when you were a young mom, and then you learned to do it better. There's a learning curve when you have to figure it all out for yourself. I can think of lots of things I'd do better or differently if I could go back. Lots of things.<br /><br />{{{{}}}} Thank you.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-28217095224420734992011-11-21T11:40:08.858-05:002011-11-21T11:40:08.858-05:00It's taken me awhile to be able to post on thi...It's taken me awhile to be able to post on this. Difficult memories.<br /><br />I remember one time when my dad beat me in front of my best friend when I was in 5th grade or so...I was used to being beat, but having it done while my friend watched was so incredibly shameful. He never came back to my house again after that.<br /><br />I also feel shame in that I didn't act perfectly with my kids while they were growing up. I did slip up a couple of times before I could catch myself. That early training is hard to break. I regret those times.<br /><br />I do remember the power I felt as a 17yo, standing next to my 19yo sister as we told our dad that if he EVER touched our younger siblings again, we would call Child Protective Services on him.<br /><br />It's difficult all around.GreenJellohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10008711974632671478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-75635708185015429722011-11-19T21:41:47.171-05:002011-11-19T21:41:47.171-05:00Diplomat, it's a mixed bag, Iowa. Lots of peop...Diplomat, it's a mixed bag, Iowa. Lots of people I love there. Sometimes I go back and it's nothing but a love-fest, like when I went back 2 1/2 years ago to officiate at another cousin's wedding, when she married her wife. That was a healing journey. You just never know. But, yes, there are times when even a family member needs to be put on the too-toxic list.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-82454519175909396262011-11-19T11:32:01.621-05:002011-11-19T11:32:01.621-05:00Catching up on my promise to comment on every post...Catching up on my promise to comment on every post this month...<br /><br />I have nothing new to say to this story, but it reminds me again of how I have no qualms with eliminating the toxic people from my life. Even family.<br /><br />It sounds like a good thing that you don't get back to Iowa very often.The Diplomathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09283126313104221841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-1815809425166881722011-11-17T22:48:15.532-05:002011-11-17T22:48:15.532-05:00Wow....AutoD. Thank you. You really got it.Wow....AutoD. Thank you. You really got it.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-13079630645978721122011-11-17T21:55:56.293-05:002011-11-17T21:55:56.293-05:00Reticula, let me clarify. I think you are incredi...Reticula, let me clarify. I think you are incredibly brave to have shared that post with the world. Yes, we do what we need to do to live through the pain, but witnessing the pain (our own pain), and sharing that pain with others, is a special type of courage and bravery that can't and shouldn't be minimized.<br /> <br />In regards to this: "There's no honor in surviving the damage that can be done by human relationships," I both agree and (respectfully) disagree with you. We all have scars. Some people have big scars, some have small ones, some have lots of scars, some only have one, some scars are in places you don't notice them, and others are on our faces--by being human, we sign up for scarring from human relationships. There isn't "honor" in the emotional scarring, you're right. We aren't out to collect emotional scars like patches for a Girl Scout uniform. There may not even be honor in the surviving of the damage: we can chalk that up to resilience or willpower or necessity or a million other things. There IS honor, however, in witnessing the damage and in being willing to re-engage in human relationship. In this post. you did both of those things, and that requires bravery. <br /><br />Love. <3Autodidactpoethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860752713734930046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-66247452938493369152011-11-17T12:25:35.087-05:002011-11-17T12:25:35.087-05:00True, Linda. People are oblivious. And I'm the...True, Linda. People are oblivious. And I'm the only one who knew how I was reacting inside. I allowed the oblivion--didn't cry or hold my breath to get attention or anything.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-35168474765130257532011-11-17T08:57:52.077-05:002011-11-17T08:57:52.077-05:00This sort of story isn't supposed to be real. ...This sort of story isn't supposed to be real. There aren't supposed to be people who really did, or do, or laugh about such things.<br />People who are so oblivious that they don't even realize the wrongness of what they do.<br />But there are.<br />And it sucks.<br /><br />Thinking of you today.Linda Wyatthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15502645664373341448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-41507224870289554722011-11-17T03:41:51.415-05:002011-11-17T03:41:51.415-05:00AutoD, thanks, but I don't think I'm brave...AutoD, thanks, but I don't think I'm brave at all. I've just managed to live through some things that left wounds and scars. I don't believe those sayings about the things that hurt making you stronger. I'm not stronger for having been hurt--not then and not now. When I'm hurt, I hurt for a long time and I blame myself for whatever I did to fuck things up, and I blame myself for not getting over it faster or easier. There's no honor in surviving the damage that can be done by human relationships.<br /><br />But I do feel your love like warm salve. Thank you.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-3202464909050954112011-11-17T03:31:37.653-05:002011-11-17T03:31:37.653-05:00Felicitas, yes, the not belonging. It was/is somet...Felicitas, yes, the not belonging. It was/is something I felt, not something that was thrust upon me--at least not outwardly. But I always knew a part of me didn't belong. I just didn't find out why until I was 12. That's another story.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-24923697279559851242011-11-17T03:28:58.894-05:002011-11-17T03:28:58.894-05:00'Zann, in a way this confirmed what I felt tha...'Zann, in a way this confirmed what I felt that was hidden or denied. I have yet to write about it, but the ritual was done for me. You'll see.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-71191387333768551112011-11-16T20:13:11.322-05:002011-11-16T20:13:11.322-05:00What a brave, brave person you are. I love you, a...What a brave, brave person you are. I love you, and I send you and little Reticula big hugs.Autodidactpoethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860752713734930046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-28022346136167542542011-11-16T20:06:12.419-05:002011-11-16T20:06:12.419-05:00Holy fuck. My mom was the bastard in her family; ...Holy fuck. My mom was the bastard in her family; I know from her of the feeling of not belonging, of being so different from the people around her. She wasn't red-haired, though; hers was raven black, straight and fine. Her family was afraid people would mistake her for a Mexican. In fact, it probably came legitimately, from her Cherokee maternal grandmother. She does occasionally use the phrase, "red-headed step-child."NLWootonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17933608836443404386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-76968720232552705332011-11-16T19:46:23.125-05:002011-11-16T19:46:23.125-05:00Oh, this gave me tears and goose bumps. I can'...Oh, this gave me tears and goose bumps. I can't begin to imagine what you felt like as you heard all this...I kept thinking 'surreal.' Maybe sometime you might do a ritual for Younger Self - send her a healing message. <br />(I don't remember any red-hair prejudice growing up, just my 3rd grade teacher embarrassing me by insisting my mother must 'put something' on my hair to get it that color. )'Zannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02883332169523460695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-66188393897838343402011-11-16T18:21:24.193-05:002011-11-16T18:21:24.193-05:00I love you guys.
I'm not going to try to answ...I love you guys.<br /><br />I'm not going to try to answer every comment like I usually do. I want to be clearer about a couple of things though.<br /><br />My cousins L and D were close to my age. And we were close growing up. I adored them. We were laughing during our conversation about them going into that man's house because our perceptions were so different. We were teasing. But, no, my aunt and my grandma did not condone it. They got in trouble. I'm sure my grandma knew the man too. It's a tiny town, under 1000, and he lived a block away. I don't think either of my cousins would want their grandchildren to do it either. We were stubbornly holding our positions in a lighthearted way, which we could do because nobody got hurt that day.<br /><br />And I also have to say families are complicated and complex, and so is writing about them. I could sit down tomorrow and write a poignant, Norman Rockwellesque post about growing up in a small town, about playing in that very park up the street from my grandma's house with my cousins, about family dinners and all the yummy food and playing together all day while the adults did their thing. I could write tons about that. It would all be true.<br /><br />I could either write or leave out that at big family dinners the grown ups--except Grandma--started drinking bourbon and vodka late in the morning as soon as we got there, and the men were snoring in front of the football game all afternoon while the women cleaned up. <br /><br />It would all be true, but I choose what to write about and what to leave out. I rarely write everything I observe and hear because I am always aware of my audience these days.<br /><br />But the description of how I was treated as a baby and toddler when I passed out, and the perception that I was willful and needed to be broken because of my red hair, that I can't candy-coat. It was wrong. And it hurts to think about, even though I don't remember it.<br /><br />But wait for tomorrow's post. The story isn't finished yet.Reticulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05577343017332273507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-34169830997690959942011-11-16T18:04:56.962-05:002011-11-16T18:04:56.962-05:00And she said it very well. Sending love and apprec...And she said it very well. Sending love and appreciation for who you are and how you've worked to create a world where that doesn't happen around you or your loved ones. EVER.Ria Megninhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14067879850447660284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-21851466777603579272011-11-16T17:19:38.790-05:002011-11-16T17:19:38.790-05:00Sue said everything I was going to say.
I'm c...Sue said everything I was going to say.<br /><br />I'm crying, too. And feeling that same pang of recognition I had when I saw the judge beating his daughter.Karen Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16659057926162697634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-82614443164645199482011-11-16T17:07:38.190-05:002011-11-16T17:07:38.190-05:00I'm so happy you put those pictures in of you ...I'm so happy you put those pictures in of you as a baby. Absolutely darling. And perfect. And totally undeserving of all of that - then and now. <br /><br />I try hard not to speak badly of people's families. It might be a southern thing, but lines are often blurry. But in this case, I'll risk it. What they did is horrible enough. But they were children and most of the time, kids act with some tacit approval from the adults near them. What is NOT acceptable is that they continue to laugh at such a situation. They are so wrapped up in their own defensive crap that they cannot even SEE what is acceptable behavior now. Are they stupid? I feel like this must be in some very backward hillbilly setting. I don't think that's the case though, right? You should possibly consider a letter to them. Something to get it out of your system once and for all.<br /> <br />And I want you to promise yourself that you will never again put yourself in a situation where they have an opportunity to hurt you. They are not and never will be good people. You simply don't have to let yourself hope they will change. That's the part to let go, hoping that any of them are going to be regretting or remorseful. I'm sorry to write so much here, but I just feel like I have so much to say to you.<br />You were a beautiful baby. And you are a beautiful woman. Inside and out. You left there because you are SMART. And you knew it was a toxic environment. And now you can see why you do some things and make changes.<br /><br />Sending you love and healing thoughts, my friend.Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263778185978195605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-91570749774059415712011-11-16T16:37:16.173-05:002011-11-16T16:37:16.173-05:00Oh, Sweetie. I cried with you. I'm so sorry y...Oh, Sweetie. I cried with you. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. You're right. It was really fucking wrong.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03058477338395836750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5856183318248330085.post-35188587425358790682011-11-16T15:55:45.555-05:002011-11-16T15:55:45.555-05:00I feel like crying myself. This is so horrible. Th...I feel like crying myself. This is so horrible. They could have shaken you into brain damage. It wasn't you. it wasn't your fault. you were a beautiful little kid! and that you managed not only to live through it and with your brain intact and raise your own children right, that you can see it's wrong and that they still can't...it's amazing. You have the goodness inside you and it won.<br />{{{{{{carol}}}}}}}<br />and they think it's ok for little kids to go into an old strange guys house to watch tv??????Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06413795611563683135noreply@blogger.com