Saturday, December 3, 2016

What I'd like to say to Rosie's friend Bob

Bob, you ignorant asshole. I keep wanting to call you Tom, because you're That One Man. That one man who, every time Rosie posts something positive about Hillary Clinton or something terrifying about Donald Trump, you show up at the party, shit in the punch, and then act like you presented us with some fancy pink Andre champagne. And until recently, you signed all of your comments "Love Bob." GMAFB, you condescending hound of the patriarchy. You represent so much of what is wrong with this country, and tonight, old white man, I have had it with you. I bite my tongue every day until it bleeds, and tonight I'm taking off the teeth.

You know, Bob, it used to be kind of fun to play with ugly old troll dolls like you, but since the unimaginable results of the election -- you know that election, the one where all those men like you voted for the orange man because you hated the black man so much? -- the election in which more than 2.5 million more people voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton than the loser you backed, you're not such a funny joke. Somehow people like you .... people who share possibly one brain cell among the lot of you ... you, Bob, put your finger on the button in the voting booth in a swing state and managed to go around the will of the people to put the tiny orange finger of the most dangerous reality star in the world on the button that leads to the possible destruction of the planet as we know it. You fucking idiot, Tom Bob.

Here's an example of how fucking stupid you are. Tonight Rosie posted an article titled   "Indiana Taxpayers Will Be Paying Salaries of Carrier Workers Whose Jobs Donald Trump 'Saved'" I'm sure you didn't read it. You never do. You're not here on this planet to have an intelligent conversation. Instead you said (and I'm leaving out some of the comments that don't matter so much) "The Jill Stein and Hillary recount in Wisconsin is costing Wisconsin tax payers 4.8 Million Dollars." Now, Bob, that's what we call an argument fallacy, and that's not what this post is about. Take my word for it, because smarter people than you understand these things.

Nevertheless, Rosie, in her infinite patience (she's a retired teacher; you probably think she was paid too much), refuted your claim with proof that Jill Stein had raised money to pay for the recount.

You said, "The Wisconsin State Election Official...the top dog.... was interviewed by Carol Costello at CNN and she said the fee to ask for a recount was $900,000 and by law the tax payers of Wisconsin have to pay $1 per each recounted vote so the tab is $4.8 Million dollars since there are 4.8 million votes to recount." No link to a source. Bad form, Tom Bob.

I said, because I will admit I'm just itching to wipe the smug look off your face, "Maybe they should only have counted legitimate votes in the first place. Then there wouldn't be so many Trump votes to pay for in the recount." [I know! I know! Dear readers, I know I fed the troll. Apparently he doesn't digest irony well, sharing that one brain cell as he does.]

And that's when you, Bob, repeated that oft shared bit of greasy, putrid turd that some idiot pulled out of his unwashed ass and tweeted one night while he was watching porn in his parents' basement on a couch that would glow under blacklight like LA from his many Sarah Palin-fueled masturbatory emissions: "I'd like to see a recount in California where in many polling stations across the State you don't have to show an ID to vote...maybe that is where the 2 million in the popular vote came from."

Sigh. Bob, do you realize there's a video of you, or people who share that one brain cell, that those of us with a few more brain cells have been laughing at all week. Here it is, buddy. Take a look. This is you.


In the meantime, your brain cell refuses to look at what happened in the news just today, starting with the Carrier travesty, which even Sarah Palin called "crony capitalism." What the fuck happened there, eh? Did you all decide to let Palin use the brain cell all by herself? That's possibly the first time she's made sense in all of recorded history.

Nor did you pay attention to the terrifying conversation Trump had over the phone with the president of Taiwan, which could damage US diplomatic relations with China. I'm not going to try to explain the ramifications, but your tiny brain should be able to find at least a bit of discomfort with the fact that Trump is investigating the possibility of building a big old resort in Taiwan.

Not even a twinge of fucking concern yet, Bob? It doesn't even bother you that the Trumps are too good for the White House and have plans to cost this country millions -- even more millions that DT has lost to bankruptcy added to the millions he's kept after he stiffed those poor working-class people you're so sure he'll find jobs for -- so he and his family don't have to sully themselves by living in the White House. You'd think he'd want to make it white again for all you "I'm not a racist" racists. And you're OK with that, Mr. Patriot of the Year?

Apparently none of this bothers you as you spout off senseless, refutable bullshit that comes straight from faux news where the reporters are telling you -- flat out telling you to your stupid fucking face -- that they've been fucking with you, because they hate you and they wanted you to see how stupid you are, but you're too fucking stupid to even see it. They punked you so hard you put your finger on that button and you pushed it. And now, unless there is a god, which I doubt now, you put the tiny, sticky orange finger of a devil on the button that can destroy the earth as we know it. A man who spends the wee hours of the night throwing twitter temper tantrums over imagined insults and reposting the ridiculous and refutable, if he only had a brain, lies of other Twitter trolls like the guy who made up the lie about the California voters fraud. This is your idea of a suitable President of the United States. Even the Georges Bush hate your fucking guts. and that second one wasn't the brightest or most honest bulb in the White House, but he's smarter than you.

And if I may go off on a tangent, I'll just say I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing that the election was lost (we fucking won by over 2.5 million votes so suck it) by intelligent, educated people because we -- and I don't include you in that group, Bob -- alienated the stupid, uneducated people who sit around on their worn-out recliners twisting in their panties over the lies they see on Faux News. So now it's my fault for not lowering myself and pretending I have the intelligence of a goldfish so they feel more comfortable about being too stupid and lazy to do even the rudimentary research my kids could do when they were in 4th grade?

Why the fuck should I do that? How will that make you smarter, Bubba Bob? How about when I show you a well researched article like this one from Politico with the real story about voter fraud in California  you fucking read it?

Instead you said, "I have friends in California....they said they are very lax in asking anyone to prove who they are before they vote."

And all I can say to you, Bob, as my lip curls with disdain is, "That's what I call citing a source." Seriously, thanks for finally citing a fucking source that proves why Donald Trump, top deplorable in the basket, could become the most powerful toddler in the world.

And the worst thing, Tom Bob, is that you are just one Fox-tranced troll and there are millions and millions of you out there ruining the world -- the world you have to live in too, idiot -- because you're too stupid to understand how stupid you are.

I'm done with you, Bob. I'm going to block you now, because you can't be saved. And don't you dare look to Jesus to save your stupid ass, because he's not coming back to this mess any time soon, and you would deport him if he did. If things go the way they very well could, the radiation would kill the Holy Son anyway. You do know he was considered an intellectual in his time, right? An educated young rabbi. A radical, socialist Jew, as the song goes.

And you, Bob, you are nothing like Jesus, you stupid Trump troll. So maybe consider shutting the fuck up and not dirtying Rosie's every post with your endlessly stupid and patronizing and easily refuted faux news vomit. Because what could have been funny -- as in laughable to anybody with a full brain -- is no longer funny. It's a dangerous fucking disaster, and the ship is sinking before our very eyes while you tuck your pasty gray head up inside your ass and repeat the lies in the dark so you don't have to see what you have unleashed on the world. 

I am terrified to see that you still don't fucking get it. And you never will as long as you rely on that one, shared brain cell.

I hope Rosie hits the unfriend button on you soon, Bob, because she's way too good for you. And you're way too stupid to be allowed to sit in her Facebook living room and participate in the conversations of reasoning adults who may not be able to save this country .... this world ... now that you and your one brain cell have won (that's irony, Bob, you fucking idiot) the election.