Sometimes .... just shut up

(This is the last day of June, the last day of NaBloPoMo. I made it through an entire month of daily posts. Thanks for sticking in there with me, those of you who did.)

I had a great weekend. Mostly I  hung out downtown at a local music festival with friends, listened to live bands -- swing, reggae, Indian, rock .... breathed in the mixed and intoxicating smell of fat, sugar and meat cooking over open fires. I volunteered one entire night in the international beer tent. The only thing I'll say about serving beer with 13 other people at a festival is that I prefer to be the tender of my own bar. When I was a bartender, I owned my bar. The people I volunteered with Friday I would have fired within 5 minutes. But they were volunteers  and so was I, so I had to put up with them.

Tonight a bunch of us invaded my friend Maria's downtown condo for delicious food and drink, and then stood on her roof in the drizzle to watch the fireworks over the river. It was the perfect vantage point high (OK, 4 stories) above the zombie apocalypse teeming masses.

Zombies leaving the fireworks

It was a fantastic weekend ....

Until I came home and fired up my Facebook feed so it could kick me in the taco with some real-life shit. An entire crew of wild-fire fighters killed in Arizona. 19 young men. I cried for them. For their mothers and fathers and wives and children. For all of us who depend on heroes to be there when we need them most.

I read on and learned that Governor Kasich and the Ohio legislature forced their way into my vagina once again by signing into law one of the most restrictive women's reproductive laws in the country -- one the majority of voters do not support. Obviously we are not Texas, because the fuckers sneaked it right into the budget.

Two of my close friends were commenting about how sick they were about this. How the governor and the legislature hurried it through, and we didn't really get a chance to rally. They said they were crying and close to throwing up.

And then a man trolled in and made a comment about all the musicians and artists and gay people who would never be born into this enlightened, liberal world if this bill hadn't been passed. His sarcasm was both unnecessary and cruel.

So my friend, who is one of the sweetest, kindest, most patient people I know, tried in spite of her grief to back him off as nicely as a human possibly can and said she loved and respected him, but she needed to just disagree right now.

So he came back and goaded her again, and tried to engage her in a debate about abortion, which is not entirely what this "budget" is about. Even after she made it clear she couldn't bear to talk about it.

Now we all know the abortion debate isn't one we're going to change anybody's mind about. And some of us know this debate isn't only about abortion. It's about the right of women to own their own bodies. And it's about our access to birth control, and about our choices if we are raped -- because we are raped and we are raped often, both physically and by fucking politicians who think they need to force themselves down our throats and into our vaginas for our own good.*

I digress. So my friend tried again to tell him she was in pain, and she respects him but she can't talk about this with him right now. She obviously was wearing her skin inside out. So am I. So are many of my women friends.

So I posted my own comment. I said, "Sometimes you just have to say shut the fuck up. This is one of those times."

I will probably catch hell for it in the morning. I wasn't nice. I wasn't polite. I didn't respect his opinion. I really don't care what he thinks. I've had it with respecting the other guy's opinion while he plunders my reproductive rights. He can have his opinion as long as he stays out of my vagina.

I might be willing to have this discussion once every single child we've (that means women) given birth to in this country has access to equal health care, a decent education that leads to decent employment, and a full belly at least once a day. You give me that, and then I'll talk to you about reducing funding for Planned Parenthood, an organization that has very little to do with abortion and a whole lot to do with making sure women don't ever get to that point.

Oh .... but maybe if we took care of children instead of trying to control women's genitals, we wouldn't even have to have this discussion.

And I might be willing to talk about defunding Planned Parenthood, an organization that helps women through rape and trauma and birth control choices, if men ever stop raping women so we don't need places like Planned Parenthood. That's a novel idea, right?

Oh, but maybe if men stopped raping women and pressuring them to have sex in all the various ways men do that, and if schools started teaching kids about the realities of owning an adult, sexual body, which includes birth control, we wouldn't even need Planned Parenthood.

I might have this discussion if that happened, and if there was still a discussion to be had.*

Until then, I think it's time for a lot of men (and some women) to pipe the fuck down. I mean it. And for those of you who are allies, carry on. I appreciate your support.

For those of you who want to legislate my personal medical business, here's a video for you. And for those of you who are the choir to whom I'm preaching, watch this because it's funny and we all need something funny sometimes.


*(Please note: I haven't given my opinion about abortion here. It doesn't matter what my opinion is. I'm too old to ever get one, and it's not my business if somebody else makes that choice for herself.)

Medicine Trailer

Remember when I wrote here about the movie I worked on a couple of months ago? The one I produced? Billy Montana has been hard at work editing it, and it's due to come out to the public by the end of July. I'm so excited. And kind of scared, because as I said, I don't do horror. I'm a big pussy when it comes to scary movies.

And this one will be scary. Don't believe me? Watch this!

Bad things happen in horror movies. And in Billy Montana's head. He has this room where he .... well, nevermind. That's probably another post.

What was the minister thinking?

I prefer to use my words. Or pointing works. Sometimes ... just a glance. Who doesn't love a man on his knees?

Paleo food: it's what redheads eat

I haven't shared a recipe here in quite a while, so here are two. My daughter Elvira insisted I try these, and now I insist you try them too, because addicts love to spread their crack to others. These are easy. Even if you can't cook, you can surely make a pancake and shake a jar.

Paleo Pancake

Elvira calls this first recipe a paleo pancake. I'm not sure what's paleo about it, but that's what she calls it so that's the name. I struggle with the idea that our paleo ancestors ate bananas; humans didn't evolve in the tropics. Nor, I suspect, did they make peanut butter. Even the egg is suspicious .... But what-the-fuck-ever. Here's the recipe.

1 egg

1 forkful of natural peanut butter (Jif and Skippy are shit. Throw that crap out and get something that's made with peanuts and salt. Don't get the kind without salt because it will taste like shit and then you'll want to buy the damn Jif again. No Peter Pan either.)

1 ripe banana

Smash those three things together in a bowl to make a batter while you heat up some butter in a skillet or on a griddle. Once the pan is hot, dump it all in there and spread it out so it looks like a pancake. If you've got room, it's easier to flip if you make 3 or 4 smaller pancakes.

Cook it (or them) until it's golden brown, and then flip it over and do the same on the other side. Eat it with some fruit. You could also eat it with maple syrup -- do not put that fake shit on this delicious pancake -- but it's sweet enough without syrup.

Sweet potato paleo pancake

Modifications: Montana, my daughter-in-law-to-be, came up with a healthier alternative to the banana. After she tasted mine one morning, she suggested trying it with sweet potato or pumpkin. She's brilliant! The sweet potato is delicious, and not as high in sugar. Throw in some pumpkin pie spice and it tastes like Thanksgiving. I bake a large sweet potato and use it to make pancakes 3 mornings in a row. I haven't tried the pumpkin yet, but I'm sure it will work.

Montana also reported that she likes adding some cocoa powder (no calories!) to the banana recipe. About a teaspoon would do.

Serves 1

Chia Seed Pudding

If you try this, you're going to hate me -- and not because it looks like fleas in Elmer's glue. You'll hate me because you won't be able to stay out of it. Yes, it's made with chia seeds, the same seeds used to grow chia pets. No gardening is required to make this pudding though.

Chia seeds (click for the wiki) are supposed to be good for you. I'm not sure how much of that goodness is well documented, but what the hell is these days? Despite the hype, seeds are good for you, so just eat your pudding. Chia seeds also swell up kind of like tapioca only without the high starch content, which is what makes this pudding as opposed to seeds in milk. 

You can buy chia seeds at the health food store, on Amazon, or even at Kroger. I recently paid $17.00 for 2 pounds on Amazon.

Make it thusly:

1 cup of milk or unsweetened almond milk (I use whole raw milk; Elvira uses almond.)

1 blop of pure maple syrup (You can omit this and it still tastes good.)

1/4 cup of chia seeds

Optional flavors like cocoa powder, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice

Basic recipe

Put everything in a jar with enough room for shaking. I use a pint mason jar. Shake well. Continue to shake every few minutes for 15 minutes. Just do it while you're checking your Facebook. Refrigerate until thick -- if you can wait. It's best if you can stay out of it overnight.

Go ahead and eat it out of the jar. You'll eat all of it anyway. No, this is not a low calorie snack, but it is healthy. Take a vigorous walk while you eat it if that shit's important to you.

Serves 2, but you'll eat it all.

Wordless Wednesday: My next tattoo