No, you did not bait that fish with your bits

About a month ago I wrote a post about a new show on Discovery Channel called "Naked and Afraid." I finally watched it, and I'm here to report back. You can go read the original post if you want, or I can summarize.

OK, I'll summarize. In the episode I wrote about, two people, a man and a woman, are dropped off for 21 days in an inhospitable area of Africa with no clothes on (lots of blurring, but butts are OK). They are allowed to bring one item. In the episode I watched, the man brought a knife and the woman brought a cooking pot. Both proved to be invaluable, but neither were helpful when they needed to catch food.

What was supposed to happen was that the woman would try to catch fish with her genitalia. It said so right here in this newspaper teaser my friend The Professor gave to me one night at karaoke. "...[U]sing her ladyparts as bait to catch fish between her legs." The bits baiting was verified in an interview with the woman on the Discovery Channel website, so I had to watch it just to see that.

Guess what? That's not the way it went down at all. Not even close. In fact there was no mention at all on the show of her using her bits to catch the fish.

One of the few things the man, who was big, burly former Army ranger or something, did was discover some catfish in the muddy stream they lived beside for 3 weeks. (He got a little thorn in his foot and spent most of the episode lying around whining about that. He did manage to make a fire after 3 days though, so he wasn't totally worthless.)

Anyway, he was hopping around trying to stab a fish with a forked stick he'd sharpened with his knife. I guess it's harder to catch fish that way than you'd think.

The woman, on the other hand, sat down in the stream of muddy, 2-inch-deep water with her legs spread in a V. As the man spooked the fish and they fled downstream, she caught 3 of them between her legs and threw them up on the bank. That's it. I can't even make a joke tying catfish with pussy. Go ahead. You try.

I don't know about you but I imagined her standing in a river with her legs spread wide, her large and obvious outer labia dangling pink and tantalizing in the water, yelling, "Here, fishy fishy fishy! Come and eat some tasty pussy!" And then her look of both surprise and guilty erotic pleasure as she felt the first nibble on her bait  lady bits .... That's what I imagined.

It was nothing like that. Those fish had no interest in her crotch. They were just trying to get away from the man's stick and blindly swam between her legs because they had nowhere else to go.

What a huge fucking disappointment! And that was the uncensored version. Here's a clip if you want to see it for yourself. Go ahead and be disappointed too.

I see somebody is supposed to be taken out of the next show in a medical emergency. I might watch that, but the fact is: Been there, done that. "Survivor." Michael falling into the fire and burning his hands. And then a dozen more pussies who left the game in seasons after that.

If they want me to watch the show, they've got to make better use of those two people being both "naked and afraid." Otherwise it's just 21 days condensed into an hour of whatthefuckever.

Did any of you happen to catch the show? What did you think? Will you watch another episode?