Showing posts with label Just another day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just another day. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

A story of one-legged men in wheelchairs

Tonight I sat out on my porch swing with my guitar working on a new song the band is learning. I spent almost 3 hours scrubbing the whole porch down -- columns and railings and floor -- last night. I wanted to enjoy it before the city air made it grungy again.

Dusk fell, and I could barely see my lead sheet. As I strummed, I looked up and saw 3 one-legged men in wheelchairs rolling down the sidewalk single file on the other side of the street.

I've been seeing these chair-wheeling men a lot this summer -- some with one leg (each) and some with more. They're usually alone, or sometimes with a non-wheeling male companion. None of them seem to use their hands to move their chairs. They all either walk in their chairs or walk behind them and push.

I don't know where they come from. Maybe the nursing home around the corner? One of the halfway houses? I didn't see them until this summer though. If Melvin were still alive, he would know. He would have somehow talked them into coming up on his porch or mine to share a nip of gut-burning gin and juice.

One evening a few weeks ago my granddaughter Coraline and I were swinging on the porch, and one of the wheelchair men came walking his wheelchair down the sidewalk. He stopped in front of one of the houses across the street -- one that's been empty for several years -- turned to face the house, unzipped his pants and peed on the stairs. Then he pushed his wheelchair on down the street. I considered yelling at him, but it didn't seem like something a toddler should witness -- her grandma yelling at a man in a wheelchair for peeing on the sidewalk. That shit can escalate if you don't know your opponent's level of crazy.

Did I digress? I do that ....

Tonight as I strummed my guitar I watched the 3 one-legged men sit-walk their wheelchairs down the street and stop in front of the very house the other man had peed in front of (obviously he had 2 legs). They rolled to a stop and turned their chairs to face the street, side by side like they were waiting for fireworks.

It was almost dark, so I suspected they couldn't see me across the street on my porch. One of them took a bag off his wheelchair handle and started digging around in it. After a while he lit something with a lighter -- several times. Then he passed it to the guy in the middle, who also lit it a couple of times and then passed it to the third guy. Obviously they were passing a pipe.

They don't let you smoke weed in a nursing home, I would imagine. Even if you are down to only one leg. I wonder how people in nursing homes even get weed.

As they smoked and murmured over there, I started playing "Me and Bobby McGee," very quietly. I didn't think they could hear me, but you can't tell how sound will travel at night. I just like to sit out in the summer night with my guitar, watch the bats dive for mosquitoes, listen to the trains in the distance and the neighbors fighting ... kids playing in the streets.

I played a couple more slow quiet songs -- "Creep" and "Free Fallin'" -- and it seemed they probably were listening as they passed their pipe in silence. One of them had lit a cigarette and was smoking it; I could see the tip flare every so often. I noticed one of the neighborhood cats had stopped to sit for a while and listen.

Sometimes people walked past in twos or threes. The wheelchair men didn't move, nor did they stop smoking their pipe. I stopped playing when the walkers were right in front of me because I wasn't really out there to put on a show, but then as they faded down the street, I took up where I'd left off, playing in the darkness of my porch. Brandi Carlile's "Turpentine," one of my all-time favorite songs ... "Angel from Montgomery" ... "The Book of Love" .... a few more.

Finally, I ran out of songs I wanted to play so I just rocked in the swing and let the crickets take the stage. The cat slipped on down the street. Eventually I came inside, but the wheelchair men were still out there, sitting across the street and probably very stoned given how many times that pipe went around.

A few minutes after I came in, I passed the front door and glanced out. They were gone, back to where they'd come from.

*******
Today after a committee meeting for a big production I'm involved with (more on that later) a few of us stayed behind sipping coffee or beer and talking about old white men, one member's new client, good places to live in the area. I'm going to reveal that I was the oldest person at the table; that information is rarely relevant, yet sometimes is. I'm not sure if it is now, but maybe. It certainly will be in the near future when I write about old white men.


We were down to 4 of us, and none of the other 3 thought my neighborhood sounded like a place they'd like to live. Mo said she gets scared staying in a house by herself. She said she lived in a rough neighborhood in Chicago before, and she ended up almost housebound. The other two agreed they prefer safer, quieter quarters.

I told them almost everything I see and write about in my neighborhood is shit that's happening to other people, not to me, and that I'm rarely scared. I told a couple of Snoop Dog stories, like how he used to stand in the street and not let me pass and the time the SWAT team busted down his door. I realized these stories weren't really making my point that my neighborhood isn't unsafe .... it's just interesting. I said I ride my bike home at 2:00 am and I've always been fine. Their expressions suggested I could expect to be taken away in a straight jacket if I kept it up, so I stopped trying. I didn't even mention Melvin.

After a few seconds of silence, J, who lives in the nice, quiet suburb where I lived for 20 years before I moved into the city, said, "The old lady who lives next door to me sometimes puts a note on my garbage can if I leave it in the driveway an extra day."

We all laughed.

I remembered how bored I was in that nice, quiet suburb. Oh, there were stories there too, but they took place behind closed doors in houses separated by half an acre of putting-green lawn.

Maybe I'm not afraid here because I've  learned I'm far less likely to be hurt by strangers in my environment -- no matter how expensive it is -- than I am by people who claim they love me. It took me a lot of years to accept that, but it's true.

So, I'd rather be here where there are one-legged men in wheelchairs passing a bowl in front of an abandoned house where a woman named Stella used to run an illegal soul-food restaurant. I hear her fried chicken was the best chicken in the city back in the day. Oh, the stories this street could tell.


Monday, November 5, 2012

November 5: We weren't expecting the SWAT team today

Snoop Dogg
Melvin says the drug dealer 3 houses north of me -- we call him Snoop Dogg because Rock Dad thinks he looks like Snoop Dogg. I lean more toward Huggy Bear myself, if Huggy Bear had worn braids -- anyway, Huggy Snoop hates to see police cruisers on our street. He always thinks they're coming after him. We see cruisers on our block fairly regularly, at least a couple of times a month. And those are the ones I see, so I assume it could happen more often. In any case, the drug dealer must be just a little paranoid. (I introduced him last year in this Tiny Spoons post.)

Huggy Bear
Turns out he should have had an escape plan.

 I was unloading groceries from the back of my van late this afternoon. I had a half dozen plastic bags in one hand (Kroger was out of paper; don't judge), and I had set a box of glass storage containers on the curb so I could shut the hatch. As I bent over and reached for the box, I heard "This is the police! Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!"

I looked up to see a dozen helmeted and masked police officers, guns out, shields raised, on Snoop Dogg's porch.

Before I could straighten up, they started bashing his door in with a battering ram. It shattered with a crash, and they rushed into the house.

By then I'd figured out the street was the wrong place to be when the SWAT team is raiding the neighbor's house, so I ducked back behind my van. It seemed a lot safer than the stretch of sidewalk and steps between me and my house.

Two officers stayed in the front yard. One was a woman who repeated over and over through a bullhorn, "This is the police department! Open your door! This is the police department! Open your door!"
  
What Snoop saw when he looked up from bagging crack rocks on his coffee table and realized it really was his turn to host the local police department.

I'm not sure what she was looking at, but from where I stood peeking around the back of my van, I could see the fucking door was a pile of splinters. I don't think they even opened the screen door before they went through.

I waited behind my van until the bullhorn stopped blaring. I decided if Snoopy was going to make a run for it in a blaze of gunfire, he would already have made his move. Right? What the fuck do I know about drug dealers and SWAT teams? My only concern 30 seconds earlier was getting all my groceries in one trip.

Finally I made a run for my house. No, I'm not fucking kidding. I ran. Now that may have been stupid given there were lots of men with big guns down there who might be suspicious of a runner on the street, but I figured a middle-aged, redheaded white woman carrying Kroger bags with celery sticking out and a box of Corningware probably wasn't going to attract a lot of attention. Stray bullets, on the other hand, might catch me out there, and I'm not ready to die.

I won't lie (this is a phrase used often in my neighborhood). I was shaking when I got inside my house. I'm not sure how all those cops got up on that porch in the time it took me to stick my head in the back of the van and get out my groceries, but they fucking appeared out of nowhere. Not a cruiser in sight. And they were seriously scary.

I rushed to the kitchen to unload my hands, and headed straight for my living room window, where I could see everything going on.

Shit happened.  A couple of vans pulled up, and a woman dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans in a little SUV who seemed to be a police officer too. A guy in a sweater and jeans came from around the corner with a long, silver pole. He went inside with it and a few minutes later two of the cops came out with Snoop's big, old rottweiler trapped in the loop on the end. When they stopped on the porch, the rottie laid down. He's pretty decrepit. Not really what you'd expect from a drug dealer, but then again, neither was the pitbull named Grandma he had when I first moved in here.

Drug dealers aren't all that generic as it turns out.

After about 10 minutes of going in and out, looking at clipboards and putting on yellow rubber gloves, they brought Snoop Dogg out with his hands cuffed behind his back and made him kneel down on the concrete porch. He stayed there for a good 20 minutes.

The guy in the sweater talked to him, but I couldn't hear what they said. I was kicking myself for closing my storm windows when the weather got colder. No way I could open them without being noticed. And I sure as hell didn't want Snoopy to think I was in any way involved.

While Snoop was on his knees, a large young black man walked around the corner across the street from Snoop's house. He stopped and yelled something at the house, and kind of milled around on the sidewalk. Then I saw him step into the street and start taking photos on his phone.

After he finished, he started making calls. The cops yelled at him to go away. He argued and said he could stand there on that sidewalk if he wanted to. Something about the guns in the cops' hands might have persuaded him to move on.

Eventually a cruiser pulled up and the officers took Snoopy over there. By that time, his loud, obnoxious girlfriend had arrived in her Cadillac SUV. She wasn't being so loud for once. That woman can yell the same thing over and over and over again for hours,and the bitch doesn't even need a bullhorn.

 One time she yelled, "See what you did? See what you did? See what you did, nigger?" for 3 solid hours. The man can take some abuse. (I wrote about another of her tirades here.)

Before they put Snoop in the cruiser, one of the cops patted him down and searched his pockets. His pants were so baggy and low the cop was searching behind his knees, and he's a pretty tall guy. After he finished, another cop did the same thing. Neither of them were wearing gloves.

He probably looks more like this today
I'm not going to lie, I had to laugh as I watched Snoop Dogg trying to pull his pants back up with handcuffs on his wrists. They were so low, he could barely reach them, and then he could only grab them in the middle. That could all have been prevented if he'd just put on a belt though. That's on him.

I was surprised how calm everybody was. Snoop Dogg obviously had been taken by surprise, and he seems to be a pretty mellow guy anyway. Mellow like he uses too much of his own product. Or maybe that girlfriend has just beaten him down with her yelling and poking him in the chest with her finger. She must keep him up all night and I don't mean in a good way.

 But even the girlfriend was being all calm and reasonable while she was talking to the police.

 The poor rottie was taken away in a dog catcher's truck.

Melvin told me somebody bought the drug dealer's house for $3000 a couple of months ago. It's a big house, but I don't know condition it's in. Still, $3000 for a house. That's a deal. I told Melvin if I'd known I could buy that house for $3000, I would have bought it just so I could get rid of that fucking loud-mouthed girlfriend.

We speculated Snoop Huggy Dogg Bear might be evicted soon, now the somebody new owns the house. We just didn't expect it would take the SWAT team to do it.

 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Restless

I'm restless tonight. I'm struggling to write something on this page. Instead I want something or someone to capture my attention and engage all of my senses so completely I forget about myself. The Buddha folks call that being in the moment, but I'm not looking for peaceful.

It's not new, this restlessness. In fact, it's been my constant companion for as long as I can remember. As a child, I lived in a perpetual state of miserable boredom, waiting for something, anything-- back then I still believed there had to be something -- to happen. I taught myself to read when I was 4. Reading books helped, but there were never enough of them. And then I wasn't allowed to read very much in school so it got worse.

I was eight when I first started planning my escape from the small town in Iowa where I grew up. I started collecting things I might need on the road: little packets of salt, matches, raisins, pencils and paper, pennies, books. I stored them in a big concrete drainage pipe that had been abandoned near the elementary school. But I never got further than collecting things until I was 17 and I really did leave. But this isn't about my journey out. It's about the feeling of restlessness that rarely goes away.



I'm an E on the Meyers Briggs. If their scale is 10 points, I'm turned up to 11, so I need lots of people stimulation. But it's not just extroversion I'm talking about. I've lived with people most of my life. It's not about being with people. It's about feeling constantly understimulated in general. Not bored, exactly. Just running through most of my life in first gear, maybe up to second on a good night. I hardly ever get to rev my engines and take my foot off the gas. I'm always holding back because there's nowhere to go.

Most of the time, I ignore it. It's there, but it's been there all my life. Sometimes though, it rubs at me, like an itchy wool sweater in the summer. Sometimes people notice. Even if I'm acting just like I always act, sometimes a friend will say that I seem edgy or dark or even angry. Some friends say I just need to get laid. Well, yeah. Who doesn't need to get laid? Even if I did though, I'd just want more. I don't expect to ever find anybody who could keep up, and not just like that. Social media helps, but it's passive. Riding my bike fast for miles along the river helps, especially when it's really hot out, but I can't ride far enough or fast enough, even when I ride alone. Playing music has even provided relief at times, as does dancing for hours. But it's fleeting.

The Buddhists would say that's the problem. I always want more. It's true. I can look back on this blog and see the thread running through. I couldn't even go to a fetish party and not want more -- and I'm not even sure what I want more of. I don't have a fetish.

I want to clarify that I don't necessarily mean I'm dissatisfied with my life or that I don't have fun. I'm blessed with amazing kids, remarkable friends and a city that offers many activities. I have fun. I'm not complaining about what I do have.

I'm not sure I've explained this very well. I wrote a poem several years ago, when I was living an entirely different life. Some of these things I've done since. Some seem silly now. But the feeling behind the poem, the ache for .... I can only call it more intensity .... has always been lurking. Maybe it's something I was born with, like mitochondria or chromosomes or red hair. Probably, if I'm to be honest, I would miss it if it were gone. Maybe it's simply my passion.

Am I the only one? Do you ever feel this way? Do you always feel this way too?

I'm not going to solve this problem tonight or ever, so here's the poem. I should probably write a new one, but it would be even longer ....


Spring Fever

Spring is here.
I want to do something wild,
something to quench the swollen heat,
balm the longing that threatens to escape and
create new universes
or destroy old ones.

I want to dye my hair dark, copper red
like it was when I was a toddler
and spike it with Elmer’s glue.
I want a flat stomach
so I can wear low-rise jeans
and a snug tank top and
clunky platform shoes
like we did in the 70s.

I want to put on a low-cut black tee
and a mini skirt short to my crotch,
red cowboy boots and long silver earrings
and go to a biker bar.
Drink tequila with old, pony-tailed graybeards
in Harley shirts and leather chaps.
Lick the salt from the bend of my thumb, throw back the shot,
suck the lemon hard.
Play pool and bend over as far as I can across the table.
I want the biker chicks to hate me.

I want to drive through the night
listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd and
ZZ Top on the radio, turned up loud enough to blow the speakers.
Stop for coffee at an all-night truck stop.
Sit at the counter next to Eddie from Chicago
look at pictures of his kids.

I want to slow dance with a woman
and feel her breasts against mine
our bodies so much alike we forget
where we start and when to stop.

I want to skinny-dip in a stranger’s pool at 3:00 am
while he sleeps in his house, unaware.
Draw on white walls with crayons.
Ride a black horse bareback.
Streak a crowded mall.
Try on everything in Victoria’s Secret
even the water bras.
Paint my suburban house periwinkle, lime and hot hot pink.
Yell “FIRE” in a crowded theater.
Sing karaoke in a country and western bar
and …what the hell…fuck a cowboy in the parking lot
in his pickup truck.

I want to write a letter
to an old high school boyfriend,
tell him what a prick he was—
Choose any of them,
they were all pricks.
I’ll write a form letter.

I want to play euchre all night long,
eat eggs and bacon as the sun comes up
then fall asleep together like a pile of puppies.

I want to fuck around with another woman’s husband--
not a friend’s husband—
someone I don’t know.
Then I’ll spank him.
Hard.
Tell him to never
never
never
do that again.
Send him home to his poor wife.
And then maybe I’ll fuck her.

I want to build a bonfire
and dance around it
dressed only in blue paint
with red ochre on my nipples
and the bottoms of my feet.

I want to get a tattoo of a dragonfly
on the softest part of my inner thigh
so I can feel the bristly brush of wings
like a secret under my gypsy skirt.

I want to shoot paintball guns
at the neighbors’ barking dogs.
stain their white coats the color of fear
so I can take an afternoon nap
in perfect quiet
before the lawn mowers start growling.

I want to run and run and run
       And run and run
             And run.

What I don’t want to do
is take a long bath in flickering candlelight
in pink-scented bubbles.
I would write “SAVE ME”
in the steam on the mirror
and leave through the window.

I don’t want to sip herbal tea—
not chamomile, or orange blossom or even Red Zinger.
I want hot, black coffee
bitter with the sweat of South American labor.

I won’t eat milk chocolate
and watch Dr. Phil fix
all the fucked up suburban lives
in 10 minutes plus applause.
How’s that working for you, Phil?

I don’t want to scrapbook my photos
Or practice my yoga
Or run on the treadmill
Or spin on stationary bikes to techno dance music.
I don’t even want to zumba.

I don’t want to hang my sheets
on the line in the warm spring sunlight
and slip between their fresh virginal smell tonight.

I don’t want to sleep at night.
At night I want to be kissed hard
by a stranger with whiskey and Marlboros on his breath—
the red box, not the lights.
Or a woman who grows her own herbs,
carries the scent of sage and lavender in her hair.

Spring is here.
Spring is here.
Damn it, spring is here.