Yes, I really wrote that.
And now the snippet.
Joe: It takes longer than you think.
Chicken Grrrl: Euwwww. You killed a mouse in a garbage disposal?
Joe: No, I didn't say that. I just said it takes longer than you think to kill something with a garbage disposal.
Reticula: I thought it seemed like a humane enough way to dispose of a rodent. How long could it take? They have tiny bones.
Joe: I'm telling you it takes longer than you think. I have experience with killing animals. Remember we had rabbits and I froze one and roasted the other .... I didn't mean to do that.
Reticula: Yeah, but you didn't put them in the garbage disposal did you? Tell me you didn't do that ....
Joe: No, they were already dead. I didn't need to.
Chicken Grrrl: This is so gross. Just tell us what you killed in a garbage disposal. I hope it wasn't a mammal.
Joe: It was a plecostomus.
Chicken Grrrl: What the hell is a plecostomus?
Reticula: It's a sucker fish. It sucks the algae off the sides of an aquarium.
Joe: Yeah, and they get really big. And I think it somehow got rid of all the other fish. It had to die.
Reticula: They get as big as the aquarium size allows, but they don't hurt other fish.
Joe: I don't know about that, but this one got big and it was the last one left. [Pause for a sip of cheap wine.] I think maybe I just got tired of taking care of the aquarium so it had to go. The point is it takes longer than you think.
Reticula: I had one get really big and I just took it to a pet store and they were glad to take it. Some people are looking for bigger fish ....
Joe: Oh. I guess I didn't consider that option. Like I said though, it takes longer than you think.
Reticula: Even when I woke up I couldn't think of a better way to take care of the problem. It had to be the garbage disposal. It would be pretty quick, wouldn't it? I mean the death?
Joe: I'm telling you, it takes longer than you think.
[Chicken Grrrl: Head on table.]
Reticula: What the hell would you have done with a mouse that was trying to jump out of the sink? You can't just pick up a mouse with your hands. That would be worse than the garbage disposal.
Joe: I'm just saying ....
Reticula: I know. It takes longer than you think.
Joe: Should I tell you about the vicious hamster now?
Chicken Grrrl: That box of wine isn't empty, is it? I need another glass before we start practicing again.
|Mmm. Richard Gere.|
(Also, no matter what you've heard. Richard Gere did not put a gerbil in his ass. That is an urban legend.)