Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Kroger bacon update

Yeah, I took a week off. You get what you pay for around here. Just like the Kroger Value Bacon. 

You remember the whole Kroger bacon fiasco, don't you? I thought I made a pretty persuasive argument for their having cheated me on the meat portion of my package of bacon. Turns out, I was wrong. Here's the letter I received from Sara, my Kroger Customer Connect ambassador, who apparently followed the link in my complaint and read my post about my Kroger bacon experience.

Dear Valued Customer:
Thank you for contacting Kroger Customer Connect. I received your email regarding our Value Bacon. I am so sorry to hear that there were a few nice slices concealing fattier pieces. I assure you this was not done intentionally, and I appreciate that you have brought this to my attention. It is our goal to provide every customer with products and experiences that make them want to return to our stores. I'm so sorry to hear that our Value Bacon has missed that mark in this instance. I have forwarded your comments to our Quality Assurance team on your behalf, so that they may use your observations to make changes that will better your experience with our products in the future. It is my hope that the next time you purchase this product you notice marked improvement. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to address your concerns, and thank you for your patronage; have a wonderful day.

I hope that you find this information helpful. My name is Sara and if I can be of further assistance, please simply respond to this email or call 1-800-576-4377.
Thank you for shopping with us.
SaraKroger Customer Connect The Kroger Family of Stores 

Sara is almost as adept at hiding meaning in her words as someone else at Kroger is at hiding the bacon. While she claims to admit -- probably due to my irrefutable photographic evidence -- that the "nice slices [concealed] fattier pieces," she denies that someone purposefully put partial pieces of bacon meat on top so they would show through the little window.

What was I thinking? Of course they wouldn't. I mean ... they didn't try to fool me. I'm obviously paranoid. They simply "missed that mark." I just happened to get the one unfortunate random package of nasty bacon hidden under 3 pieced together slices of bacon meat. My bad!

What's funny is that she thinks her words are so comforting and reassuring that I will go back to Kroger and buy that shitty bacon again .... because she's going to forward my letter to somebody who will make sure they don't hide the fat again, because they didn't do it on purpose in the first place.

If I were to reply to Sara, I would remind her that I don't fucking trust them now. So why would I trust that my one little blog post would create change in what is undoubtedly a systemic plot to rip off bacon-lovers everywhere?

The only way I would bring that bacon home again is if she gave it to me for free. She didn't dare do that though. I suspect that's because it would have been a Groundhog Day experience.

I should be happy she wished me a wonderful day, I guess.


Two days after Sara emailed me, I received another email from The Kroger Family of Stores. At least I think it was meant for me. It came to my email address. It's hard to tell whom it was meant for though. Here it is.

Dear {address.full_name is NULL},
Thank you for contacting Kroger Customer Connect. In order to improve your experience, you are invited to participate in a brief customer satisfaction survey. 
This survey is designed to measure your customer experience with us; if you would like to participate, please click here
Thank you, 
Kroger Customer ConnectThe Kroger Family of Stores

I guess that would be me. "NULL." Sounds pretty close to Reticula, right? Null. That really encourages me to give them high marks for cheating me on my bacon, calling me a liar, and then calling me a zero.

Kroger, this experience was so fantastic I want to shake my poms poms for you. I might even jump up and show everybody my panties and then do the splits. Rah! Rah!

All I can say is that Kroger met my expectations, which were lower than the lean meat content of that package of bacon.

I did my shopping at Aldi yesterday. Doesn't mean I'll never go to Kroger, because it's the most convenient store to me. But when I can, I'll spend my dollars elsewhere .... especially my bacon dollars. Especially all of my bacon dollars.

This has been another whiny blog post by NULL. Over and out.

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