If we were sharing a glass of wine from a safe distance ....

No way our wine could be this close together.

If we were sharing a glass of wine (but not the bottle), I'd have to get this out of the way. It's the new talking about the weather. It's weird to think we can be heroes simply by staying home, but it's true. Of course, we're not heroes like our family and friends who are on the front lines defending our lives: doctors, nurses, paramedics, EMTs, firefighters, police, grocery store workers, pharmacy workers, mail carriers, Amazon workers ..... Lots of heroes are out there taking care of us and we have to take care of them by staying home. Simply staying home. I think it's kind of stupid at this point that the government has to order us to do the right thing, but here in Ohio, we're on a "stay at home" order. I didn't need to be told twice a week and a half ago. I neither want to die nor to kill someone else.

If we were sharing a glass of wine you might notice my 115-pound standard poodle Crow Cocker looks pretty weird.  He hasn't been to the groomer since .... I don't know. It's been a while. I've been distracted by some shit. So earlier I started to shave him down myself. I got 1/3 of the way through his mess of matted curls. He won't let me take his photo tonight. He's embarrassed. So here's what 1/3 of the hair on a 115-pound poodle looks like. I wish I could think of some way to repurpose it ....

If we were sharing a glass of wine I'd tell you I got an email today titled "Death Awaits You..." from the author of a book I recently downloaded for my Kindle. I couldn't unsubscribe fast enough. I probably won't read the book either. Must be a reason it was free. We'd call that guy an asshole.

If we were sharing a glass of wine I'd say I've found a new use for my kitchen tongs. I call it my Corona Hand (not related to Handypenis). When I drove over to a local CSA farm to get some spring greens, I got out of my van and picked up my bag with a pair of tongs, brought it home and sprayed it with rubbing alcohol. If I were working a cash register anywhere, that's what I'd be using to check people's shit, with a glove. Tongs, people! Use them!

If we were sharing a glass of wine I would offer the following observation: holding a fist-sized smooth rock that's been warming on the furnace vent is more comforting that you'd imagine. Holding a warm smooth rock while a cat purrs on your lap is like being back in the womb. Only not as moist.

If we were sharing a glass of wine we'd probably agree looking at Facebook memories isn't so much fun any more. I've decided to take a break from them for a while. I  need to focus on today.

If we were sharing a glass of wine it would be long gone I would tell you I read today that people who are secret harborers of the COVID-19 lose their senses of smell and taste. So I've decided I'll feed my dogs pizza and if I can't smell dog farts within 2 hours, I'm going to get tested. No worries though. So far, so good.

Well, it looks like the bottle is empty. I got lucky and picked up a pile of newish 7-day DVD's at the library the day before it closed, so I'm going to watch Judy and immerse myself in someone else's problems for a while. Tomorrow is another day. I think I'll continue shaving the dog and sew up some masks. I'm not too proud to wear one the next time I go to the grocery store. Click that link before you disagree.

Stay home and stay safe, my friends