Some recent text conversations with my daughter, Elvira,* about breast milk.
Elvira: I'm afraid Baby Girl has pink eye.
Me: Is her eye irritated and glossy? Pink eye will make her eyeball glossy.
Elvira: It's pretty red. I can't tell if it's glossy. What should I do?
Me: Doctors usually don't treat pink eye any more. It goes away in its own in time, but it's highly contagious. Let's keep an eye on it.
Me: Hee.
Next day...
Me: How's Baby Girl's eye today?
Elvira: It's fine. I put some breast milk in it.
Me: You put breast milk in her eye? Really?
Daughter: It's supposed to have healing properties.
Me: But in her eye?
Elvira: Just a little bit. It worked.
Me: I never would have considered putting breast milk in your eye.
A few days later, from the commissary....
Me: I'm picking up some Desitin to keep at home. Do you need any?
Elvira: I don't need it. I use breast milk.
Me: It's for diaper rash.
Elvira: I know. I use breast milk.
Me: You put breast milk on her butt?
Elvira: It has healing properties. She had a little diaper rash so I squirted some breast milk on it and it went away immediately.
Me: I never would have considered putting breast milk on your butt.
Today....
Elvira: Breast milk cures razorburn. LOL
Me: I want some!
Elvira: OK.
Me: W00t!
Elvira and me, we don't need no fucking Silk'n SensEpil. We've got breast milk.
* She chose her own name. It fits.
