Happy Thanksgiving! Are you stuffed? Because I am stuffed. And tired. The past few days I did a lot of cleaning and a lot of cooking and right before my favorite holiday I got a nasty shock that I'll have to deal with whether I want to or not. If you're the praying type, our little family could use some intervention of the supernatural type. No floods or anything like that, please. If you're a ninja Amazon warrior, hit me back channel and let's make a plan. This Mama Bear never hibernates, although I do need some sleep tonight.
So anyway, it's been a long week and I'm so glad it's over .... Wait? What? It's not over yet? Damn it. That's a very good reason for me to share a post from six years ago that I still find entertaining instead of staying up another 2-3 hours writing, editing, nodding off and banging my head on the keyboard. I've already talked about vaginas and Febreze this month. This post ties them together in a neat fragrant package.
From March 6, 2013
Recently I've started holding what I call writer's bootcamps at my house. I open my house to a group of women writers, take their cell phones, and
Sounds so simple, but it's rather powerful. Some amazing work comes out of these bootcamps.
At last week's bootcamp .... for reasons I simply don't understand .... the topic of vaginas came up. I offer you a synopsis.
KS: Vaginas do not smell like fish. Vaginas don't even smell like nice, fresh trout. (This will make no sense if you haven't read the nice, fresh trout post.)
Reticula: Hey, that's what I said, but he was adamant. The guy seemed to know his vagina.
KS: No way. As the lone lesbian in the room, and the person with by far the most experience with vaginas, I'm telling you no vagina smells like fish.
Reticula: My vagina smells like rain. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
KK: OK, then mine smells like mountain air.
KS: Sounds like a Febreze scent. Hey, if your vagina was a Febreze scent, what would it be?
R: Mine would be mango .... no, chili .... no, mango. My vagina smells like mango Febreze.
Reticula: I'm sticking with rain. I'm not kidding: my vagina smells like rain.
Anonymous: How about double rainbow? Maybe your vagina smells like double rainbow Febreze.
Reticula: No, I'm sticking with rain. Nobody gets to say what somebody else's vagina smells like....especially if he's going to say fish.
KK: If we're thinking of Febreze scents, then I'm going to change mine. My vagina Febreze scent is sunshine, not mountain air. My vagina smells like sunshine.
M: Mine is .... fresh man walking out of a shower.
Everybody: That's the best Febreze scent ever!
KK: OK, I'm changing mine again. This time I'm sure. My Febreze vagina scent is honey cream hops.
Reticula: Mmmm. That sounds like a favorite beverage. Maybe next time we should say what our vagina's favorite beverage should be. (Wait for it...)
KS: My vagina Febreze scent is new car.
Everybody: New car!!! Does your vagina really smell like new car?
Epilogue:
KS: OMG. New car Febreze smells like old lady.
Reticula: What does that mean? Did you buy some?
KS: Yes. And I mean it stinks. I want to change my Febreze vagina scent.
Reticula: Too late. You already chose. Your vagina smells like new car.
KS: But new car Febreze smells like old lady toilet.
Reticula: Do mean the toilette that's watered-down perfume or the toilet your cat drinks out of?
KS: Is there a difference?
Reticula: I dunno. It's your vagina.
If your vagina smelled like a Febreze scent, what would it be?
