Sunday, July 24, 2011

Snippet from the Labor and Delivery Room

Daughter: (panting a little at the end of a strong contraction) That's it. After this I'm celibate.
Me: What? What? I knew it! I knew you were having sex with that boy! I knew it!
Daughter: But I'm not going to any more. I'm going to be celibate. I am celibate.
Me: That won't happen. You don't have the genes for celibacy.
Daughter: Nope, I'm done. Something the size of a baby isn't supposed to go through my vagina. Something the size of a person should not go through my vagina.
Me: I could have told you if you put something into your vagina, something will have to come out. If you grow something up there for 9 months, it will be bigger than what went in.
Daughter: This fucking hurts like a motherfucker.
Me: I don't like that word.
Daughter: Sorry. I'm never doing this again. I mean it.
Me: Stop putting things in your vagina then.
Daughter: I'm serious. I'm celibate from now on.
Me: Yeah, that's not going to happen .... unless you stop putting things in your vagina. Try decorating it with crystals instead.
Love your vagina.


  1. Vaginal Bling! I think you have a business opportunity there. :-)

  2. University writing teacher by day....vagina decorator by night. I think it works for me.

  3. Seems so simple doesn't it, Arizona Gyn? Let me know if you need me to take a trip to Phoenix and help somebody understand how this all works.