Thursday, March 1, 2012

Would Anonymous please stand up?

I've been wresting with decisions about anonymity, both my own and yours. On the one hand, anonymity provides a certain amount of protection, gives a little more freedom  to write whatever the fuck I want. On the other, it's  kind of chickenshit to write without claiming the words, putting one's name on the byline. It dilutes the power of the words somehow when a name isn't attached.

One decision I make every once in a while is whether to allow Anonymous to comment here. With a click I can take that option off the comment page and force anyone who comments to own up with at least an alias. One advantage would be that each comment would have a different name. A couple of times posts have received an unusual number of comments -- like 10 -- and it's hard to tell if the anonymous ones are one person or several. And I suppose having to "sign" a comment might inspire some otherwise anonymous commenters to consider their words and punctuation more carefully, but it might also discourage them from commenting.

Eh, but I don't get that many comments here on the blog. I tend to get more on Facebook, where they can't be anonymous anyway, and most of those are on my personal page, not the blog page (which you should like if you haven't by clicking over there to the right). Drive-by anonymous posts aren't really a problem, and I have the option of deleting any that annoy or offend me. So far, none of them have, not even the fat troll who stopped by and left a calling card to her secret blog one night.

For now, I'm going to allow anonymous comments here. It's so much easier to mock someone who disagrees with me if I can't put a name with the comment.

I'll go that way.

The other question is one of my own anonymity. I'm working on a new design, and I'd like to make this interface more visually personal. I've been thinking about having some photos of myself taken -- even though I'm the most unphotogenic human living or dead. Professional photographers hate me. The only person who consistently takes a photo of me with my eyes open is The Diplomat, and he's had lots of practice. In fact, it's so embarrassing how unphotogenic I am, I'm a little phobic now, which is why I haven't pursued it yet. But I have a couple of other purposes for the photos: one is that some directors want head shots at auditions and the other is none of your business. So I thought if I were going break down and have some photos taken, I might as well try to get one that I could use here.

My quandary is that I've maintained a certain level of anonymity and posting a photo would blow some of that away. Yes, many readers know my real identity, and some even party at the bat cave. I've been posting links to my Facebook page for months, so it's no secret to my Facebook friends who Reticula is. Even my kids read and comment here.

Facebook friends aren't the readers I worry about though. Because I write about things like vaginas and dildos and even --giddyup! -- Sybians, I'd rather any particular current crop of students not find and read my blog. I sometimes read something I've written here aloud as an example, because they like to know I can write better than they can, but I don't direct my students to my blog. I also don't accept Facebook friend requests from students while they're enrolled in my class, and only a special few have become friends after. I'm flattered when one of those reads here, but they are rare students.

So students are one reason I'm careful about linking my realness to my blog. The other reason is less compelling. A friend brought up the possibility that a future, potential employer might find my blog and be offended by my posts about vaginas or by my language. I said I hoped any potential employer would be hiring me because I'm a writer, and my blog shows one genre of writing I can do. I'm not sure I'd like working for anyone who couldn't handle what I write here. That would be a pretty tight stick up the ass, and I predict we would clash in other ways too.

I've met this quandary before. A few years ago I sold a story to Bust magazine, a "one-handed read" story. After I signed the contract, the editor must have done some research on me, because she emailed and asked if I was sure I wanted to use my real name for the byline. At the time I was working for another magazine as an editor and columnist, and it was possible some of those readers might not appreciate my porn erotica.I thought about it for a few hours, and then I emailed her back and told her to use my real name. I wasn't ashamed of the story and I saw no reason to use a pseudonym as if I were.

So my past stance has been that anything I write in public I should be proud to own. I edit myself heavily so I don't cross certain self-imposed lines. For example, I try never to embarrass my kids or write anything that would hurt someone I love and respect. I'm not perfect, but that's my intention, but I've learned that I can neither predict nor control my audience. Sometimes people I never would have imagined read here, so I have to consider that unknown audience when I write. Being entirely anonymous would be freeing, like never having to wear a bra or panties, but all writers are accountable to their audience.

Granted, a photo isn't the same as using my name. But it's one step closer to outing myself publicly in a way that's irreversible. And I've learned the hard way a couple of times that the internet can be a cold companion when it comes to taking something I've written back. Some people don't forgive.

As I write it out here though, it doesn't seem like a big deal. This isn't my secret sex blog, after all. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid those photos ..... I know I'm trying to avoid the photos.

Do any of you have any thoughts on the subject of anonymity? If you're a blogger, do you use your real name? Am I just making life too damn difficult again?


My mother always said I think too much.




21 comments:

  1. Well, I personally love the comfort of an anonymous identity. I really messed up when I let a certain family member know where I was blogging. (She's an ex-family member now, but I'm still an ex-blogger because of that, and I would imagine being a teacher and having students able to find you,... (I've found blogs of teachers of mine from high school because they weren't super careful about their identities, and they were my teachers 25 years ago.) would put you in an extra precarious position. I say, maintain your anonymity and keep being real! :-) Anonymously yours, Jen!

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    1. Yes, it can be disconcerting knowing certain people are reading. I have a few of those too--people who treat me like shit in real life, but still come to read my blog. Whatever.

      I think you should open another blog. Don't worry about the ex-crazy-person and just do your thing. What's she going to do?

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  2. ignore my parenthesis gone wild!
    Jen

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  3. I think you're not as anonymous as you think you are.

    Pleased.

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    1. No, I'm not really anonymous, but I don't have any photos of myself or my real name linked to this site.

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  4. Next week you can meet and talk to the author of htis relevant post:
    www.charlietonic.com/2012/03/01/lets-talk-privacy/

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  5. Thanks. You'll have to send me some details, Anonymous. :-)

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    1. I can't sign my name to a post about anonymity! But here's a hint: follow through on your plans for next Friday night.

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  6. i use my real name for one blog, but you've seen my other blog that has no direct connection to anything else i'd done. if you know who my friends are, you can figure out that it's me, but otherwise the only way you'll know is through already knowing me and seeing a link on my twitter (open) or facebook (locked down). i don't honestly know whether it's made a difference or if i have readers i don't know about.

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    1. It's possible you do. I'm often surprised when somebody says something in person about one of my blog posts and I didn't realize he or she ever read here. There's really no way to know who reads your blog.

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  7. I use my name and lots of pictures on my blog but it's a completely different kind of blog. i'm hoping cousins and other unknown relatives will find me.

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    1. Yes, different purpose. One of the rules I break on this blog is not having a purpose for what I write. It's just me talking about whatever runs across my path. Originally I thought I'd write more about writing, but it didn't happen so I went with the evolution.

      Your blog is like one great big gorgeous photo album/scrapbook. What a gift to your family it is.

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  8. Great topic, Reticula!

    After my years in a corporate newsroom, including two as the online editor, I'm pretty rigorous about two things:

    1) Always posting using my real name. Identity is the biggest asset in my work as a writer and speaker, and I assume that everything I commit to a computer screen will eventually be available to millions of fans, critics, unwashed masses and FBI investigators, so why try to hide?

    2) Never posting anything I'd feel uncomfortable explaining to a boss, investor, client, landlord, mother-in-law, FBI investigator, etc.

    And that's where I give a big nod to your idea of, yes, your work could make some potential bosses uncomfortable. Probably more such people than my work would. But that's OK, because neither of us is out to get approval from such people. That's what makes us unique and (hopefully) valuable to read!

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    1. I hope I never have to explain pole-dancing to an FBI investigator. ;-)

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  9. "I think you should open another blog. Don't worry about the ex-crazy-person and just do your thing. What's she going to do?"

    I'm toying with that idea, but hung up on a name. It has to click with me or I can't commit to the blog. That's probably silly, but no getting around it. And she isn't going to do anything, but I won't write unless I can be completely vulnerable and open, which means sharing my failures along with everything else, and she would get so much satisfaction out of reading about my failures. That sucks. When it happened before, it changed how I wrote, and in a way, it changed who I was. Jen

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    1. I get that the name has to represent you and your voice. You can find a name.

      But you can't let her silence your voice. Listen, a couple of people who read here won't even speak to me or acknowledge me in public. One of them can still hurt me. It doesn't matter. I still write. If YOU want to write, write your truth, tell your story. Vulnerability isn't a fault.

      Open the blog and write to someone else--not her. Write to me. Write to Rhonda. Just write.

      And if you want, just say the word. I'll come and shank the bitch and we'll be done with it. Get me?

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  10. :-D You're right.

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  11. I use a fake name for the reasons you mentioned here, namely complications from the day job if some of the things I write and podcast about are linked to my real identity. I like being able to speak frankly about women's sexuality in addition to the less controversial topics we cover. It's basically a choice between being able to say what I think and hide little of who I am or say who I am and hide a little of what I think. That said, all of my friends who know me in real life know about the blog and I'm not going out of my way to hide anything.

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    1. Welcome, Ginny. Yes, that's the balance I'm trying to maintain too. I already pull back more than I'd like simply because I wear different masks in real life, but here I'm pretty naked sometimes. And I wonder about people who used to know me: as an officer's wife, a homeschooler, a church volunteer. And people I went to high school with whom I haven't seen in decades. And then there are people I don't know well who friend me on Facebook.

      For example, I ran into a guy at an expensive, upscale grocery store today who remembered me from the story slam I won last month. He introduced himself and we talked a while. I'm not sure how, but he found me on FB and sent me a friend request. I was cool with that; we have a significant number of friends in common and other things as well. But then I wondered what he was going to think if he went to my blog. It tells a lot more about me than a chat at the deli does.

      I guess that's the risk we take as writers though. And maybe the risk is one of the things that makes it worth doing.

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