Thursday, June 5, 2014

Snippet: Home Depot with Drake

Drake was here for a few days last weekend, so I recruited him to help me with a few jobs around the house and van. Handy-penis jobs. Putting together an Ikea bookcase, charging the AC in my van, figuring out how to cover my skylights so they don't let in so much heat.

In fact, at one point I found myself saying 9 words I never thought I'd say to my son: "Your penis must be much more powerful than his." He agreed, because what man wouldn't? There's a story, but who cares? All that matters is that my son has a powerful penis. He gets it from me.

Anyway, we were wandering the lighting aisles at Home Depot looking for outdoor light covers, when a short woman -- maybe 5' 2" -- middle-aged with short dark hair walked up to us. With no expression on her face nor inflection in her voice, she said, "Hello, my name is Jackie. We've partnered up with Logan Heating and Air. May I have a minute of your time to talk about your heating and air conditioning needs?" She looked like somebody had eaten her soul .... slowly.

At about the same time I said, "No, I already have 2 air conditioners and a furnace," and Drake said, "No, thanks. Not what we're here for."

Without changing her expression -- which wasn't really an expression at all -- she turned and walked slowly back the way she'd come, her back very straight, her expectations met.

Drake and I stared after her until she reached the end of the aisle, and then I turned our cart around and we started to walk the other direction. I was shaking my head, thinking how awful her job must be, when Drake stopped and said, "Did we just get a pop-up? Did we just get a pop-up right here in Home Depot?"

"Why, yes," I said. "Yes, I believe we did."

We both laughed and continued searching for the items on my list. I really need to update my pop-up blocker to include real life. I hope that's not a premium service that requires a penis to install.

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