Saturday, April 11, 2015

Coralineisms #008: Tooth fairies to stinky bananas

Sometimes I'll post conversations I have with my 3-year-old granddaughter Coraline that I call Coralineisms on Facebook. Some are sweet one-liners, like this one:

"Did you dream about me last night, Mamá?"

And this one:

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a tooth fairy!"

Most are conversations, like this one:

Me, singing beautifully: Let it go. Let it go. Can't hold it ...
Coraline: Stop! Stop singing my song. That song is MY song.
Me: I can sing that song if I want to.
Coraline: No, you can't. That's my song. You sing your own song.
Me: What's my song?
Coraline: "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." That's your song. You sing that.
Me: Why do I have to have "Twinkle, Twinkle..." for my song? I don't want that song.
Coraline: That's a beautiful song. It's fine for you.
Me: No, I don't choose that song. (singing) Let it go ....
Coraline: Fine. We can share my song. I'll split it with you.
Me: That's so generous.
Coraline. I know. I know. I'll just cut it in half.
Me: Thank you.
Coraline: You can only sing your part in the winter.
Me: I hate winter.
Coraline: It's a winter song.

Or this one, which is a continuation of a conversation about the Frozen theme song you might remember from this post:

Coraline (singing): Ready go ... Ready go ....
Me (singing): Let it go .... Let it go ....
Coraline: It's "Ready go."
Me: No, I keep telling you, it's "Let it go."
Coraline: That's what I sing at Grandma's house and at Mommy's house. But here I sing "Ready go."
Me: What??? You sing "Let it go" at Grandma's house and Mommy's house, and you only sing "Ready go" here at my house?
Coraline: Yes. (singing) Ready go .... Ready go ...."
Me: You're a stinker.
Coraline: Ready go ....

And this one:

Coraline: I need a tissue! (Always a crisis.)
Me: OK. Here you go.
Coraline, after a big honking blow: That's the way my nose pees.

And another:

I'm using a tablespoon to clean out a jar I've just shaken up whipped cream in. As I'm licking the stem of the spoon ...
Coraline: Euww. Why are you licking that spoon's bottom?
Me: Spoons don't have bottoms.
Coraline: That one does, and you're licking its bottom. That's icky.

Bear with me:

Coraline: Be careful of your heart.
Me: Why? What's going on with my heart?
Coraline: Next week it's going to fall out. And you're going to have babies in your tummy.
Me: Can't wait.

Finally, for those of you who are Facebook friends and may have seen most of my Coralineisms, a new bathtub conversation from last Thursday:

Coraline: Mamá, I have a vagina.
Me: Yes, you do.
Coraline: And you have a vagina too.
Me: I do. It hasn't been excavated in a while, but I'm sure it's still there somewhere.
Coraline: And Mommy has a vagina too.
Me: Yes, Mommy has a vagina.
Coraline: Daddy doesn't have a vagina though.
Me: No, what does Daddy have?
Coraline: Daddy has a stinky banana!
Me (LOL):  A stinky banana? You mean a penis, right?
Coraline: Yes, a penis that's a stinky banana.
Me: OK. Close enough.
Coraline: What's a penis for?
Me: They have a couple of purposes. The only one you need to know about right now is that men pee out of them.
Coraline: Men pee out of bananas?
Me: Out of penises.
Coraline: Oh ..... Aunt Montana has a vagina.
Me: Yes.
Coraline: Uncle Drake has a stinky banana.
Me: I'm not going to win this one, am I?
Coraline: No. Carly has a vagina.
Me: Yes, she does.
Coraline:  Shaun has a stinky banana.
Me: [sigh] Yes, Shaun has a penis ...... (The list goes on.)

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