Friday, December 2, 2011

Snippets from Elvira

Today I offer you a few snippets from my Facebook message box, courtesy of my daughter Elvira.

1. In case you were wondering, it's not a good idea to try to exfoliate your face with duct tape. It didn't work. I thought it would but it just gave me a lingering burning sensation.

2. I've been reading Coraline the original Grimm fairy tales…They're really not as fucked up as people make them out to be. Poe is waaaaay worse.*

3. Lol, at work they won't let me pick up ice buckets. Really? I guess they don't understand that it's way more strain on those muscles for me to poop than lift something. Especially since the doctor put me on extra iron. Sorry I'm telling you about poop.

4. I gotta learn how to do that. We could turn your parlor into a fortune telling studio and  have a mother/daughter thing. I have the look for a fortune teller. I could wear a lot of sparkly scarves and earrings .... I'll throw bones on a table and speak in an accent. And wear blind looking contacts. It'll be fucking awesome…We could advertise. We could put a sweet looking sign outside your house! I'll paint it! THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER!**

5. I'm excited to do things like go to the zoo and walk around the woods. Things that aren't that exciting to me anymore will probably be way more exciting with a little kid who's never seen or done all that stuff. And I hear that children say unintentionally offensive things in public. I'm excited for that too.***

6. I'd rather chance arsenic than yoga.

P.S. Elvira doesn't know I'm doing this. If she gets upset, I'll just remind her about those stitches I had to get when she was born. Works every time.

* In my defense, I read Poe to Elvira when she was six, not when she was four months old.
** In response to my recent tarot posts.
*** Oh, do I have stories about that! And one of them is about the color of poop.


  1. "And I hear that children say unintentionally offensive things in public. I'm excited for that too."
    That is one of my favorites too! But I hope she also knows that children will tell strangers every little thing that they know about their parents,good bad and ugly. I could write a whole blog from the things children have told me while they play with my son at the park.

  2. I'd read that blog: Playground Gossip. Write it! :-)

  3. Vapor, THAT would be a blog I'd like to read!!!

    It makes me smile to see how your relationship is with Elvira. Motherhood does something to us all. :)

  4. Sue, I'm so proud of Elvira. She's an amazing mother with such good intuition. I love watching this part of her unfold.