Day 15: Going Native

No doubt about it, I've been feeling a little cray cray this past week. So tonight I did what I said I was going to do: I asked my daughter Elvira to cut all my hair off. There it is. Enough to make, as Elvira said, about 2 1/2 toupees. Tomorrow the color goes on. Not blue. Something else. Something radical. I'm still thinking about the "Fuck the patriarchy" tattoo. Bet Coraline would be the kid with a grandma who has that tattoo.

But this post isn't about that. On my Facebook page for this blog -- you've liked me on Facebook, right? -- I promised I was going to write about deodorant tonight. And not, as you might have hoped, vagina deodorant. Just the regular pit stuff.

Here's why. I have tried dozens of the so-called natural deodorants and all of them leave me smelling like a hamster cage by the end of the day. Except for that mineral stone. That worked, but it left a rash from my elbows to my ribs. What can I say? I'm a redhead. I'm sensitive. I hate the idea of using something that might give me cancer or Alzheimer's, but Secret was the only one that worked, so a Secret unscented girl was I. For years. My black t-shirts showed it too with their stiff, white pits. 

A few months ago, a friend posted on Facebook that she'd found a natural deodorant called Native that really worked. Uh huh, I thought. Blah blah blah. Where have I heard that one before.

But she insisted she'd tried all the other too, and none of them worked until this one. I decided to at least check out the website.

And .... holy shit. Twelve dollars for a stick of deodorant! That's a hell of a lot more than a stick of Secret. But free shipping. And a full refund if I didn't like it. And the list of ingredients looked like I was probably going to get a refund. I could find most of them in my own kitchen. But, hey, paraben and aluminum free. If it worked, I wouldn't be risking cancer and the dreaded Alz. Fine. I decided to try it.

I usually get unscented everydamnthing, but I decided to get lavender and rose. They do have unscented, as well as eucalyptus and mint, coconut and vanilla, jasmine and cedar, and oakmoss and basil leaf. So delicious! I'm glad I got the lavender, which smells like real lavender, not the sickly fake stuff. I can't even smell the rose, and the scent fades away shortly after I put it on. I haven't had a problem with it like I do most scents.

I was still stuck on the price though. $12! That's a lot. Then I thought about how often I buy deodorant. One stick usually lasts me at least 8 months. Sometimes longer. So how much was I really going to spend on it in a year? $15 at most? Put in perspective, it didn't seem like too much. So I sent off my order.

And guess what? It works! It really works. I was skeptical for about a week. I thought my Secret was still lingering in my pits, working its secret magic. I could usually go a couple of days without reapplying the Secret before I started to smell like one of the guys who push shopping carts through the alley behind my garage. I went on a 19-mile bike ride. No B.O.

The big test came a couple of weeks after I started using it: Ecstatic dance and the temperature was close to 90 that day. Surely no deodorant could stand up to that, and I was sure the Secret was out of my system. My shirt was soaked through with sweat after 2 hours of dancing. I surreptitiously sniffed at my pits while I danced. Nothing. Not even a whiff of litter box odor.

Later a few of us walked to a local brew pub. I was telling my friends about this new deodorant. They were skeptical too, but I lifted my arm and let them smell. No smell! Would you dare let your friends stick their noses into your pits after 2 hours of sweaty dancing at the end of a long day? I'm guessing the answer is no.

So, what's the downside? For me, Native only lasts one day, which is just as it's advertised to do. Twenty-four hours on the dot. If I try to squeeze an extra few hours out the next day, I can smell it. It's easy enough to re-apply though.

Another thing is the emails. They send a lot of them. If you give them your email address though, you can win a 12-month supply. I don't know how much they think that is. For me, maybe 2 sticks. Emails are easy enough to stop if you don't want to get them though.

And, like I said, the price. I'd love to try all of the scents, but it's too pricey for that. I am happy with the one I chose though, so I'll just have to imagine what oakmoss and basil leaf smells like.

More benefits. If you make a video, you can get a free stick. I haven't done that, but it could be worth it.

No more white pits. At first it felt a little stickier than Secret, but I got used to it. Now I'm glad it doesn't feel like I can't get if off in the shower like an antiperspirant does.

That's it. After all my ragey political posts of late, all I'm doing tonight is recommending a new deodorant for you to try. Isn't that relaxing?

Also, please send hats. My head is going to be cold now.

Disclaimer: I'm not getting paid to write this post, nor have I been offered any free product. I wish! I'm just sharing my experience with a product you might be interested in.