Monday, November 28, 2016

Day 28: Don't drink from that. It's Grandma.

You know what's weird? Taking the cremains of 200 people, making a glaze. and creating dinnerware so that people can drink their morning coffee from cups made out of Grandma's ashes. I'm not even kidding. Here's proof.

OK, nothing is as bizarre as the idea that Donald Trump -- remember when we used to call him "The Donald"? -- could become the President of the United States. I mean, all the weird things I used to write about ... not even contenders for real life in this country any more. So let's pretend that The Donald isn't involved in Top Secret security meetings (when he shows up) and act like this is pre-DT.

How fucking weird would it be to drink out of a cup that was made from Grandpa's ashes? I realize ashes are sterile, and then even more sterile after kiln-firing, and then they are, I suppose, sealed into the glaze as well ... But you don't know! You don't know when you take that sip of coffee what part of Grandpa's body is up against your lips! And it might not even be Grandpa. It might be some stranger's ..... whatever up against your lips.

I watched that video, and it looked like maybe a family of young adults who .... I don't know. Maybe they needed that really large set of dinnerware so they had to get rid of everybody over 35 and under 20 in the family to make all of those dishes.

And parts of the video are so sensual, the dragging of the bread through the oil. The sipping of the wine. It's like they're having sex with the burned, crushed bones of their dead relatives. So romantic, am I right?

And they're so mellow and quiet, like they're at a funeral, but you know that wine is going to eventually kick in, and families are going to act like families act.  What happens when cousin Tina gets mad and throws Grandma her goblet at her sister Darla's head? And it breaks! Do they just sweep up their loved ones' remains and throw them in the trash? Or do they put the shards into an urn? Bury them in the back yard? Isn't that illegal?

And then what happens when they don't have enough cups to go around. Do they fight over who gets to drink from Grandma?

I watched another video with the guy who makes this human dinnerware. (Below.) He says the pieces he makes are "interactive, and they let you integrate the memories into everyday life." Ummm, no. I don't think those bits of crushed ash and bones are actually memories. I can see wanting keep a physical memento -- a lock of hair, or a bit of ash, or even some semen. But drinking your coffee every morning from a cup made partially of your loved one's cremains, along with those of 199 strangers?!?! I don't get it.

Death is hard. I know that. But healthy grieving leads to letting go and accepting, no matter how long that takes. I don't see how making your loved one's cremated body into the wine goblet or a dinner plate is a healthy reaction. You're not drinking memories.

I could be wrong though. Just because I can't imagine doing it doesn't mean it wouldn't bring other people comfort. What do you think? Would you find meaning in using your loved one's cremains this way? Or would you gag at the idea of eating your salad off the ashes and bones of 200 dead people?

You know where I stand. Tell me I'm wrong.


  1. Wow. I have enough cremated remains at Chez Badass to start my own pottery line. Dog, husband, mother. Not that I would of course. I agree there are better uses for the ash. Husband has almost been flushed away several times and I am still pondering what to do with him, bless his cheatin' heart!

    1. Whatever it is, make it a good story!