Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I will not talk about poo....and that's final!

Miss Serendipity just will not stop. I'll let this "coincidence" speak for itself, but first let me summarize the story so far. A couple of days ago I wrote about having commented on another blog that I never talk about masturbation in my classes, and the very next day I held classes, I ended up talking about masturbation in one of them. In the comments of my post, Laura from Autodidacticpoet, wrote that she talks about masturbation to little boys all the time, and further that she's had to learn what coprophagia is. (Don't ask. It has to do with poo and that's all you need to know.) She said at least my students wouldn't talk about that, and I said they could very well talk about 2 girls and a cup someday. (It has to do with poo and that's all you need to know.)

In the meantime I've been working on a post in which I defend my decision to become an art model. One of my notes reads: "The monkeys in my brain throw some mighty toxic poo. And this past spring and summer they found a new supplier who gifted them with armor-piercing poo." I wrote that Monday.

OK, that's the story so far......

Here's what played out in today's class.

Me: Something blah blah blah about citing your sources blah blah blah and make sure you engage your sources blah blah blah blah.....(I don't really remember what led up to this, so work with me.)
K: (Feet up on her desk; cute black glasses and bright red lipstick and a bob with bangs.) ... Like how we all used to be monkeys.
Me: Humans didn't really used to be monkeys, you know. You know that, right?
K: Well, sure, we didn't personally used to be monkeys.
Me: No, humans didn't evolve from monkeys. You guys all know that, right? We evolved from common ancestors that weren't anything like monkeys or humans.
K: Yeah, I knew that, but there were monkeys that evolved into humans but it was a long time ago.
Me:, that's not really how evolution works, but I'm not here to teach you biology. (And I turned my back to walk back to my desk. I should know better than to turn my fucking back on them.)
L: (Remember him from the masturbation post? The wanker?) Who doesn't want to be a monkey? Don't you want to be a monkey?
Me: (I quickly face the classroom, but it's already too late.) No, we're not talking about monkeys today... (The truth is, I was afraid he was going to talk about monkeys masturbating. Miss Serendipity is so much more complex than that though.)
L: You have to want to be a monkey. Monkeys get to swing through the trees...
Me: No more monk....
L: And monkeys get to throw poo. How much fun would that be? To throw poo? (The class laughs. I stand defeated before them.)
Me: L, I knew you were going to say "poo" today.
K: How could you know he was going to say "poo"?
L: Is it because I talked about masturbation?
Me: I not only knew you would say "poo," I blogged that you brought up masturbation and then I said it was possible you would talk about poo. Just so you know, we are not going to talk about poo today.
L: How could you know I would say "poo"? Are you psychic?
Me: No, I'm not psychic. Let's just say I've read ahead in the book.

Isn't she clever, Miss Serendipity? Just as smooth as that, she connected two dots at once. I was impressed. In fact, I was so blown away, I put my class into groups and had them work while I read a newspaper someone had left behind on my desk. I had nothing else to offer them today.

Monkey poo.  Fling it, Miss S! Fling that shit!


  1. Just after I wrote this, I checked my email and saw there a spam titled "Just 3 cents per Poop???" The email starts thusly:

    "Every Dog Poops!

    I know pet waste is not a "fun" subject, but it is a large part of owning a dog.

    To make pet cleanup a little bit happier, we are blowing out our Biodegradeable Pet Waste Bags for LESS THAN $0.03 per bag!....

    I am doomed.

  2. I suspect that Miss Serendipity is really an alias of Mother Synchronicity, a very powerful force in the Universe who seems to be having a boatload of fun flinging stuff at YOU!

  3. First of all, you're welcome.

    We could make this a really fun game. I bring up the crazy, random sh*t that happens randomly/comes up in conversation in my daily life and we can see how long it takes for it to come up in some way or form for you. This could be exciting. Oh the conversations you'll have and the blogposts we'll get to read! I can hardly wait.


  4. And, after I posted this, I turned on the movie "Madagascar" because I'm a kid and watch silly have had a hell week and needed something mindless. Not 10 minutes into the movie, the monkeys discuss throwing poo. I'm serious. Cross my heart. Couldn't make that one up if I tried.

  5. 'Zann, I was born for the flinging of the stuff then, because it's pretty much been a life-long story.

  6. Oh, dear, AutoD. So sorry to have dragged you into this. It's an awful poo-sition I've put you in, running with Miss S. And now that you've started noticing, it will only get worse. Sorry I can't save you. I can't save myself.