Monday, December 3, 2012

10 Dates, 10 Men

I'm going to do something I've been talking myself into for months, but have been loathe to commit to. Here's what it looks like in my head.

I'm going to start dating.
I'm going to start dating
I'm going to start dating.
I'm going to start dating.

No, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start dating.

For a very long time my standard answer to even the suggestion that I go out with someone was, "No, thanks. I don't date." It has become my mantra. And I don't. Or I didn't.

I will admit I've possibly been phobic about dating. I have just a few reasons, and no matter what anybody else says, they are very good reasons. I could tell you their names, but it's kind of irrelevant now.

Not only that, but I've got so many stories from other women about their horrible experiences. Lordamercy, just my sister's story about the basketball player with the penis the size of my pinkie was enough to put me off men for 5 years.

I hate giving into that kind of fear. I've written about that before. 

It hasn't been easy to avoid dating. Close friends and family members have waterboarded  lovingly encouraged me to get out there and enjoy spending one-on-one time with the opposite sex. Even strangers have tried to hook me up with men they thought were just my type. And a number of potential dates themselves have done their best to persuade me to call them or give them my number.

I don't call. I don't give my number. I don't date.

My resistance has left claw marks on more than a couple of conversations. 

However, I have slowly come to terms with the idea that I might want to change my mind. The vague language in that sentence should give some indication of the trepidation I've felt.

I will talk more in future posts about my reasons for changing my mind. My reason for bringing it up here is because I don't think I can do it unless I make it a project. A project that I write about. Here.

New chapter
So here's my stupid brilliant idea. I call it 10 Dates, 10 Men.

Right here, right now, I'm making a commitment to go on 10 dates with 10 different men. I'm not going to put a time limit on how long it will take to go on those 10 dates, because let's be honest: I'm not entirely in control.

It could be 10 Dates, 10 Men, 10 Weeks or it could be 10 Dates, 10 Men, 10 Years. I'm betting on the latter.

I've floated this idea to at least 3 dozen a few close friends, and they've been excited. They think there's some deserving man out there just waiting for me to say yes to a relationship. In spite of my discouraging track record, and those of many other women my age, they still somehow believe that. Suckahs.

To tell the truth, I don't.

But it doesn't matter. I'm not looking for my soulmate. I don't believe one exists. I just want to meet some new people and have some fun. Maybe get laid. (I did not say that. My kids read this blog. Sorry, kids. We'll have that talk about the birds and the bees real soon. Promise.)

Of course I wish for something a little deeper than just having fun for a few hours will come out of this, but I don't expect anything. I'll write about that later too. I've got plenty of time to write about this.

I don't promise I'll tell all the details, and I will certainly try to maintain anonymity for the dates. (Datees?)

But I need to make a commitment to write about dating, as well as a commitment to going on a concrete number, or I just won't do it. Even knowing the writing about it will influence the experience as much as the experience influences the writing, I need to write about it.

And one reason I need to write about it is because my expectations are so low. Writing a story about anything negative that comes out of this will, I hope, help make it not so personal. After all, every story needs tension. And this will be just a story about 10 dates.

Finally, just so you know, I'm open to advice and suggestions. This is mostly new ground for me. I was married for many years. Dating is the devil a new adventure.

So confession time. I mean, while I'm at it, right?

The reason I launched this project now instead of just talking about it until I die is because I've already started. I already went out with One of Ten. (See how easy it is to ensure anonymity?)

I'll be writing about that soon. Already I may have bent one of my dealbreakers. Already I see that this could get complicated -- but only if I let it.

10 Dates, 10 Men. How hard can it be?


  1. So proud of you...way to take the leap off the latest cliff!!

    1. Let's hope I still have some feathers left in these old wings.

  2. You know that you have left me with more questions than answers, right? If you think that you have to tease me to keep me reading I assure you that I will be reading even if you spill all the beans at once.