Thursday, November 14, 2013

Pink is the new .... pink

What time is it, kids? It's vagina time!

Obviously I've been neglecting the vagina posts this month, and for that I apologize. Several readers have sent me articles and photos (mmm hmmm) to get my juices flowing.

One reader sent me an article about labia bleaching, which I wrote about last year. The idea still gives me a slight burning sensation between my legs, and not in a good way.

What's funny though is that the reader said he "Just wanted to make sure this one didn't fly under [my] VAGAR (i.e. vagina radar ....)." Why the hell didn't I think of that? VAGAR! I love it!

(He also said he's trademarking that acronym and will charge me a quarter every time I use it. It was worth 50 cents to write it twice.)

Chicken Grrrl sent me an article about a new vaginal colorant called My New Pink Button.

(photo credit: the website)

Apparently while Indian women are bleaching their lady bits to make them whiter, other women are worried that theirs are too pale, so they're dying them pinker. In fact, ladies, we can choose from 4 different shades of pink that range from light pink to baboon-ass red. (Although rest assured, this dye has never been tested on animals. Whew. The idea that poor little white mice might be running around with pink vag ..... oh ... nevermind.)

At first I was skeptical and suspected this was a joke, but then I was reassured to learn it was created by a "certified Paramedical Esthetician." I assume she graduated from a rigorous academic program, something like becoming a doctor or a lawyer or a manicurist.

I was tempted determined to buy it, test it, and post before-and-after photos here. It looks pretty easy to use: Just mix the dye powder with water in a rocks glass and dab it on with a big cotton swab. Even though I was never allowed to wear red, purple or pink when I was growing up -- because redheads simply weren't allowed those colors -- I was still willing to try it for my art and for science and for you, dear readers.

But then I noticed they've apparently sold out of every single shade, including the one for gingers. Wow! That's some popular stuff!

Next I tried to find it on Amazon, but all I found was My Pink Wink anal bleach cream. Cute name. Nothing else about that appeals to me. The idea makes me pucker.

So I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm not gonna drink the Flavor-Aid when it comes to changing the color of either my "button" or my "wink." They're just going to have to stay .... well, whatever the hell color they are naturally. Who the fuck looks? Whatever color I am down there, I'm sure somebody would say it's too light and somebody else would say it's too dark and most men would just say, "Huh?"

*Disclaimer: If you're a woman who suffers from vaginal fading, please don't take offense. Just rub some cherry Kool-Aid powder down there and feel good about yourself, OK?

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