Day 16: Into the wilderness

I've just finished reading Brené Brown's latest book, Braving the Wilderness. I marked so many passages I wanted to go back to I had to go ahead and order a copy for myself. Add $2 in library fines to the cost of the book, because I didn't want to give it back and they made me. I'm going to write more about some of what she said in the book later in the month, but I have to be up at 4:30 AM -- yes, that's AfuckingM -- to catch a flight, so I'm keeping it short tonight.

I have made a decision to go into the wilderness, because a place I loved for many years is no longer that place. It's a hard thing to accept, and I'm grieving. Some would say I'm still grieving someone who died recently, and that's true. I am. But this grieving the place, the community, is a separate grief. One did not have to cause the other, but .... well. Spilled milk and all that.

The last few lines of the book spoke so hard to me, much as the entire rest of the book did, as she wrote about what it means to be connected by going into the wilderness, as she calls it. Alone. I'll just share these words tonight, and I'll have more to say about going into the wilderness in the future. Or you could just read the book yourself.

"There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we'll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, 'Don't do it. You don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness.' This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, 'I am the wilderness.'"

I am the wilderness, and I am in the wilderness. It can be a lonely place. I'm looking forward to being held in the actual physical arms of my family tomorrow. I'll try to get here to write every night, but don't hate me if I can't. Family comes first for the next few days.