Day 7: All the Sex

Did I mention I'm in a show? It's our second bi-annual All the Sex Monologues, a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood sponsored by a group called PUSH or Professionals United for Sexual Health. Much as I love writing about sex, getting on stage and performing a piece I wrote about sex is even more fun. And this time, I'm performing two pieces I wrote about sex.

I know. Crazy, right? Like one 3 1/2-page monologue wasn't enough to memorize, I had to go and say I'd do two. I guess I should be grateful the committee didn't accept all four of the monologues I submitted. (I might have gone a little bit overboard. I really wanted to make sure I got to participate this year.)

Oh, and not only did I write the two that I'm performing by myself, I also put together a group piece for the women in the cast about #metoo. I guess technically I have 3 pieces in the show, although the stories from #metoo came from many different friends who bravely sent them to me for this purpose.

I have to ask myself why I would commit to performing two monologues. One was terrifying enough last time. I wasn't sure I could memorize that many words. But two?

The truth is I've had this dream of writing and performing a one-woman show for the past couple of years. I have no idea why. The closest I've come to a one-woman show is watching Carrie Fisher do it on HBO. I'm really not that kind of performer.

But you don't always choose your dreams. Elizabeth Gilbert, in her excellent book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, talks about how the Universe (for want of a better word) sends us creative ideas. And it's up to us whether we grab on and make something happen with those ideas. Kind of like what I call my Muse, Dolores, who often sends me nightmares when I don't listen to her. 

Sometimes the ideas or dreams just fly on by because we're not ready for them or we don't have the courage to make them happen or life gets in the way. I know I've let a lot of those ideas fly right on by me, mostly because I'm lazy. But maybe I'm lazy because I'm afraid I'll fail. My best guess is that it's both. And then there's life, and that tends to get in the way too.

Anyway, I was sent the idea for a one-woman show, and not much else. Like maybe a fucking topic or a few paragraphs or agents calling me up wanting to represent me. But no. Not even a deadline. Nothing. But I'm still hanging on to it.

I consider doing that first monologue two years ago, and now two monologues this year, a warm up. Maybe once this show is over, I'll latch on to that idea and ride it all the way to HBO!

Nope. That idea gave me a fucking panic attack. Breathe, Reticula. Breathe.

So our show will take place in a big gay bar on a stage with more bling than Mr. T. It's a drag queen stage, but for a couple of hours this Friday and Saturday, it will be the stage where 10 amateur performers gather up their courage and perform their stories -- some that they wrote, and some that were written by others, but all are original pieces. We've got stories about masturbation (that's me), dating a trans woman, tying people up, health issues, coming out, molestation, dating after 50, body image, suicide .... It's going to be a powerful show.

I feel so privileged to be a part of it, because one, we're raising money for Planned Parenthood, an organization that helps so many women. And two, it's the kind of thing I always dreamed I'd do when I was  little girl growing up in a small town in Iowa. Not that I specifically thought I'd write sex monologues, but being on stage and performing something somewhat outrageous. And finally, I get to work with a group of people I admire and like. This, and the support and encouragement we give each other, is the ground of what it means to be human. It's a peak experience to share something like this. And OK, it also makes me feel cool. Like I'm one of the cool kids. Nothing hateful about that.

I really hope our audiences love it. I know they will laugh and cry, get angry, maybe feel some catharsis. One of our pieces in particular will hit hard. I hope that one goes OK. We're going to have a counselor who specializes in sexual assault there in case anybody needs professional support. We are breaking boundaries.

So that's what I'm doing this week. Rehearsals every night, and performances Friday and Saturday nights. I know I'm going to feel those post-show blues when it's over. But it's also been hard being out so many evenings, setting up childcare and keeping Coraline up later than I'd like. We'll also be glad to get back into our routine as the days grow shorter and colder.

Maybe I'll be inspired after this to put together that one-woman show. Hell, I've probably got enough material here for 10 of them. It does excite me to think about it. Or maybe I'll just write a novel about a woman who writes a one-woman play and then drives an RV all over the country performing it. See? The ideas are right there if I want to grab them.

What ideas or dreams are flying by you these days? Are you grabbing them? Or is it not the right time?