Blame it on Dave Chapelle

I posted a teaser on Facebook about what should have been tonight's post. It went something exactly like this: "As I was driving home I saw a guy standing on his porch with a big tattoo that said 'ghetto' across his belly. So I stopped and asked him if I could take photos. I not only got the photos, I learned how they make tattoo guns in prison. Sometimes a blog post comes out of nowhere." All true and a whole lot more.

Here's the problem. I stayed too late at karaoke and then I got home too late to write that post and do it justice. And I really want to do it justice because there are photos.

In my own defense though, this is really Dave Chapelle's fault. See, I planned to leave karaoke early earlier than I did, but the karaoke host, Nancy, announced Dave Chapelle was singing 4 or 5 people deep. And then we all said, "Is Dave Chapelle here? I haven't seen him tonight." (We all call him Dave Chapelle. Nobody calls him Dave. Or Chapelle. It's always Dave Chapelle. Probably because he's famous. He comes in often enough we should be calling him Dave by now because there's nothing fucking special about him showing up. But because he's famous, we call him Dave Chapelle. Even to his face. Dave Chapelle. Kind of like "Rick James, bitch*," only we do it without being told.)

Now, I'm going to be bold and say I really don't give a shit about Dave Chapelle. He seems to be a nice guy. I've talked to him a couple of times and neither of us remember it. He's funny, no doubt. His Prince vs Charlie Murphy is a classic.

Just because he's funny on TV doesn't mean I have to stay late at karaoke just to hear him sing though. Except .... I've been at karaoke millions a dozen times when Dave Chapelle was there, and he never once sang while I was there. Every time he's sung at karaoke, he's done it after I left and then somebody posted it on Facebook to mock me.

So what the fuck was I supposed to do? I stayed to hear Dave Chapelle sing.

Here's what it looks like when Dave Chapelle sings at karaoke.

Not kidding. That's what it looks like when Dave Chapelle sings. A bunch of fucking drunks with their cell phones in the air taking photos and videos. And he didn't even sing that well, but because he's Dave Chapelle, he got to sing 2 songs in a row.

What? You don't believe it was really Dave Chapelle? Fine. Here's this one.

And this one.

The guy with "ghetto" tattooed on his belly was much more interesting, but I'm an idiot like everybody else so I stayed and watched people record Dave Chapelle singing at karaoke instead of coming home and writing about the guy with the ghetto tattoo.

I suck.

Tomorrow I will make up for sucking tonight. Dave Chapelle is on his own. Fucker. He wasn't even that good.

Ghetto tattoos tomorrow. Promise.

* Just in case you're the last person on the planet who hasn't seen the "Rick James, bitch" video. It's pretty funny. And it's Dave fucking Chapelle, bitch.