Monday, May 21, 2012

Oh, for one good sex blog

I knew when I posted about Susan Crane Bakos' sex blog, Sexy Prime, last night I was going to regret doing it. I argued with myself about it for quite a while, but finally decided to go ahead and post it. I wish I'd done just the tiniest amount of research first. I'm grateful for my friend Matreshka for digging where I should have and posting more information (below) on my Facebook wall today. Now I really wish I'd listened to my gut several times over the few months when I read Bakos' blog and saw the big sociopath!!! sign go off in my head.

I'm not kidding. I do have a sociopath warning system and it's gotten more sensitive in the past couple of years. I smelled it on her blog, but her posts about dying drew me in. I should have known better. She may be dying. She may not be dying. She may be dead. She may never die. It doesn't matter. I don't deal with sociopaths. (They don't like me much either. Oil and water, the sociopaths and me.)

How do I know she's a sociopath? There were several clues on her blog, but I'm not going to go back and pry them out. Sociopaths are like bugs: I find them interesting to study, but I don't want them crawling on me.

In general, people who say they don't care/can't care about other people are on the sociopath end of the scale. People who lie about who they are and take advantage of other people, and then either laugh about it, brag about it, or try to rationalize it as the other person's fault for being too human .... yeah, same. People who can utterly and without any feeling at all dismiss other people and their feelings .... Sound familiar?

Most of us have run into one or two of them. They're awful, but they manage to fool a lot of people because most of us don't think that way. And we don't imagine other people do either. And they are good at being charming when they want to be. They are so good at managing the people they want to keep around them, and yet they're hideous to those they don't want anything from.

I could write a lot about sociopaths. I've done the research. I'm not, however, licensed to diagnose Susan Crane Bakos. She claims she's borderline (BPD). I doubt it, but who gives a shit? I really don't. As I said sociopaths don't like me and I don't like them. I suppose it says something that I really just wanted to read about Bakos' death story. Hmmmm.
I will share a few of the documents that brought me to my conclusions about her. This first one is an account in her own words titled "How (and a Bit of Why) I Stuck So Many Women with the Check." Typical sociopathic behavior and excuses.* I wanted a shower after I read this.

And if you're still interested, here is the blog post Matreshka posted on my Facebook wall titled  "Never Have Dinner with Susan Crain Bakos." The author, Kyria Abrahams, actually did a photo shoot with Bakos. The comments are interesting. And so are the comments on this article, "A Brief Glimpse Inside the Hate-Filled Mind of a Con Artist." 

I was going to stop there, but I want to share one more blog post, "Ridiculous White Woman ... Hold My Pocket," which is a response to Bakos' article about why she prefers sex with black men. Note the comments toward the end where people start telling tales about her scamming them.

Anyway, what were we talking about when I went off on this tangent about sociopaths and that one up there in particular? Oh yeah. Sex blogs. Other than the one on masturbation, which is pretty topic specific, I don't have a good sex blog to recommend. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but I haven't run across them. I wish I had something delightfully sinful to offer.

How about this? Tomorrow I'll write something about vaginas. And you guys can let me know if there are any good sex blogs out there. Anybody?

* There's even a style of writing here that is similar among the writing of other sociopaths I've read. I've found some research about unusual and similar speaking patterns in sociopaths. I wonder if any has been done about writing styles. Bakos' style is very similar to that of a sociopath I know in real life. Pretty fascinating. I wish I were in a position to do the research.


  1. You should figure out a way to market and sell your sociopath monitoring system. That could come quite in handy for many people. If people can't come with warning labels, monitoring systems sound like the next best option. ;)

  2. One would think a warning would be enough, but they're crafty and manipulative. People without conscience understand us much better than we understand them, and they will do things we can't comprehend. So we make up other reasons why they might behave the way they do, poor things. And even though their treatment of other people is amazing in its ballsy awfulness, they don't care about the consequences, so it's pretty hard to stop them unless they do something illegal. They can't be made to feel bad about their actions, although sometimes they seem to feel bad about about how they themselves have been wronged.

    Seriously, nobody acts like Susan Crain Bakos, right? It's unbelievable to most people; we wouldn't even think of it. Except that people do act like her (they even brag about it like she does), and people like her do justify that kind of behavior and continue to do it even after other, normal people know they're doing it. After all, those women tried to get close to her (so she says), so they deserve to get bitten. That's a pretty common excuse for a sociopath: people who try to get close to me deserve what they get.

    I'm sure she still has friends, still has people in her life who are often appalled by the way she treats people, but because she gives them just enough attention and flattery, they stay friends with her. And even though they feel used, she dishes out just enough excitement they don't want to kick her sociopathic ass out of their lives.

    I do have a lot to say about the sociopaths. Too bad there's not a cure.

    1. Susan was dying & passed almost two weeks ago. She leaves behind six children of various ages & relationships to her, all family orientated. For their sakes we would love to see all this nastiness deleted. Some may Google her as my 16 year old daughter did. The sex-pert writings were over the top & embarrassing to her. But all the nastiness over her grifter ways embarrassed her the most! She doesn't want her young cousins to read ANY of it..Susan's blogs or the many warnings. So, if you could do that, she would be very thankful! Feel free to message me on Facebook at Shawn Andrews-Shepherd.
      Thank you for your time,
      Shawn Andrews-Shepherd

    2. P.S.
      I know first hand how bad Susan could treat people. I am the Stone Toad person & the mother in the family wedding story. Still praying my beautiful daughter-in-law never sees it! To say those stories were massively out of the realm of true is an understatement! This is what we would like to protect the little ones from. Especially those who "share" her name. What will colleges think when they see stories on her before they find the true person of their search? Not good we fear!

    3. This is one of the most manipulative arguments I've seen in a long time. Do it for the children so they aren't embarrassed? Do it so colleges won't turn them down? Really?

      Neither the truth nor history can or should be changed just because you don't like it. Explain to your kids that there are nasty people out there, and they happen to be related to one of them.

      Sociopaths exist. Better to teach your kids to recognize the signs and protect themselves than to pretend they don't.

    4. Oh come on... If my life was based on the results of googling my family members I'd have no friends.

    5. Anonymous (Shawn), Of all the sick twisted shit on the internet this is what you are worried about children reading? I see this as a teachable moment for the children involved and an opportunity for the adults to start fostering healing.

  3. It's not really a blog, but I find that Oysters & Chocolate does the trick. There's some good stuff in there:

    1. Thanks, Susanna. I'm going to have to do some exploring there. Anything with chocolate in the title catches my attention. :-)

  4. I was thinking what another commenter wrote. If you could market your radiator for Sociopaths, it could be a best seller and save a lot of people a lot of trouble. I think attention is the key...Some people need a lot of it.

    1. Sociopaths definitely like a lot of attention -- or I assume that's why they lie a lot and tend to make themselves seem far more grand than they are.

      It's hard to stay away from sociopaths even when I recognize them. Sometimes they're stuck to other people I don't want to avoid. They're kind of like ticks, I suppose.