Thursday, July 14, 2016

Day 14: Who wants to write about sex?

I'm feeling kind of excited tonight. I don't think it's a secret that I like to write and talk about sex. I think I was born that way. I was the first kid in my class to tell dirty jokes. (Thank you, Dad.) I didn't know what they meant half the time .... I mean, I still thought the man put his ding ding up inside the woman (where though? That was the $69 question) and peed in her stomach, and that's how babies were made. I believe I may have been the source of confusion for several 6-year-olds, but hey. My dad's jokes were long on innuendo and short on education, so I did the best I could with what I overheard.

Anyway, some of you will remember I wrote and performed a monologue for a show called All the Sex Monologues last fall. Today the director of the show contacted me and said they are doing a workshop for people who want to develop a monologue for the next show, and they asked if I'd sit on a panel at the workshop! Yay! I'm excited, because, in case you haven't noticed, I really do like to write about sex. If you didn't know me, you'd probably think I banged away at a lot more than a keyboard, but let's not talk about my sex life, OK? And I'll promise not to write about it.

A number of years ago I thought I was going to do an erotic writing class for my church. I had just had a "one-handed read" published in BUST magazine*, and after I'd done an impromptu reading of the story at a party at my house, several of the women at the party begged me to teach a class on writing erotica. (I'll post something I wrote about that experience tomorrow night. It's several years old, but I think it holds up.) Anyway, they begged me to teach them to write porn, and I said I would.

Because, hell, with my first published erotic story and $100 under my belt, I figured I knew as much as anybody. So when our church service auction rolled around, I offered an erotic writing workshop so I could do it and make some money for the church.

Before you wrinkle your brow up like that, know that I'm a Unitarian Universalist, and our sex curriculum, titled Our Whole Lives, was at one time so controversial for being ... let's just say thorough, Geraldo Rivera did an expose on it. We've had services on sex, some planned and executed by the teens. One of my close friends lost his virginity in a UU church. And most of the women at the party went to my church. Also, I've heard that back in the 70's .... well, that was apparently in the dark ages, because after I sent in a humorously worded description of my erotic writing class, I received an email from one of the chairs of the auction.

He said something like, "Ha. Ha. Ha. We got a good laugh out of your funny offering. I can't wait to see what you're really going to offer for the auction." In other words, "I know you're serious, but you can't possibly be serious, so I'm going to act like you weren't and hope you will take the hint. We're not selling an erotic anything at the service auction."

I just went along with it as if I had actually been making a joke. I realized that most of those women at the party were drunk when they said they wanted to take a workshop anyway, and I could have been really embarrassed if nobody bid on it. He saved me from myself.

A few years later, after I started holding bootcamps at my house for writers, we did a special evening thing we called Pinot and Prompts that was geared toward erotica. Some great writing came out of those prompts, and I would love to tell you about it, but what happens at Pinot and Prompts ..... It's like Las Vegas only without show girls and guys forcing you to take business cards for hookers every 10 feet.

Anyway, I'm excited that I finally get to participate in a workshop for writing about sex. I doubt any of the women who were at that party will take it, but I hope some people will, and I hope I can write something that will allow me to participate in the show again this year so I can stand up on a stage and talk about sex in front of a whole bunch of people and make money for Planned Parenthood. Or maybe I will actually get started on the one-woman show I've been thinking about writing, because that's not scary at all.

Tomorrow night, the story of a middle-aged porn star. Don't miss it! 

* I would consider sharing the one-handed read here, but I don't remember which rights I sold to BUST. I'd have to dig out the contract and see. You guys don't come here to read porn anyway.

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