Paleo food: it's what redheads eat

I haven't shared a recipe here in quite a while, so here are two. My daughter Elvira insisted I try these, and now I insist you try them too, because addicts love to spread their crack to others. These are easy. Even if you can't cook, you can surely make a pancake and shake a jar.

Paleo Pancake

Elvira calls this first recipe a paleo pancake. I'm not sure what's paleo about it, but that's what she calls it so that's the name. I struggle with the idea that our paleo ancestors ate bananas; humans didn't evolve in the tropics. Nor, I suspect, did they make peanut butter. Even the egg is suspicious .... But what-the-fuck-ever. Here's the recipe.

1 egg

1 forkful of natural peanut butter (Jif and Skippy are shit. Throw that crap out and get something that's made with peanuts and salt. Don't get the kind without salt because it will taste like shit and then you'll want to buy the damn Jif again. No Peter Pan either.)

1 ripe banana

Smash those three things together in a bowl to make a batter while you heat up some butter in a skillet or on a griddle. Once the pan is hot, dump it all in there and spread it out so it looks like a pancake. If you've got room, it's easier to flip if you make 3 or 4 smaller pancakes.

Cook it (or them) until it's golden brown, and then flip it over and do the same on the other side. Eat it with some fruit. You could also eat it with maple syrup -- do not put that fake shit on this delicious pancake -- but it's sweet enough without syrup.

Sweet potato paleo pancake

Modifications: Montana, my daughter-in-law-to-be, came up with a healthier alternative to the banana. After she tasted mine one morning, she suggested trying it with sweet potato or pumpkin. She's brilliant! The sweet potato is delicious, and not as high in sugar. Throw in some pumpkin pie spice and it tastes like Thanksgiving. I bake a large sweet potato and use it to make pancakes 3 mornings in a row. I haven't tried the pumpkin yet, but I'm sure it will work.

Montana also reported that she likes adding some cocoa powder (no calories!) to the banana recipe. About a teaspoon would do.

Serves 1

Chia Seed Pudding

If you try this, you're going to hate me -- and not because it looks like fleas in Elmer's glue. You'll hate me because you won't be able to stay out of it. Yes, it's made with chia seeds, the same seeds used to grow chia pets. No gardening is required to make this pudding though.

Chia seeds (click for the wiki) are supposed to be good for you. I'm not sure how much of that goodness is well documented, but what the hell is these days? Despite the hype, seeds are good for you, so just eat your pudding. Chia seeds also swell up kind of like tapioca only without the high starch content, which is what makes this pudding as opposed to seeds in milk. 

You can buy chia seeds at the health food store, on Amazon, or even at Kroger. I recently paid $17.00 for 2 pounds on Amazon.

Make it thusly:

1 cup of milk or unsweetened almond milk (I use whole raw milk; Elvira uses almond.)

1 blop of pure maple syrup (You can omit this and it still tastes good.)

1/4 cup of chia seeds

Optional flavors like cocoa powder, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice

Basic recipe

Put everything in a jar with enough room for shaking. I use a pint mason jar. Shake well. Continue to shake every few minutes for 15 minutes. Just do it while you're checking your Facebook. Refrigerate until thick -- if you can wait. It's best if you can stay out of it overnight.

Go ahead and eat it out of the jar. You'll eat all of it anyway. No, this is not a low calorie snack, but it is healthy. Take a vigorous walk while you eat it if that shit's important to you.

Serves 2, but you'll eat it all.