Monday, June 17, 2013

You want to catch fish with your what?

Remember back around the first of the month when I was writing about poisonous vaginas? If I may quote myself: "It's not that vaginas aren't sometimes used for purposes other than a baby exit or a tampon port or a wiener hugger. Vaginas have been used for smuggling drugs, spices, or small animals into the country for centuries. One woman who was recently in the news was carrying a small handgun in her vagina.

Women have soaked tampons in vodka and gotten drunk. They've .... I don't know. I'm not very creative when it comes to alt uses for the vagina; I'm sure there are more if I wanted to think that hard about it."

Apparently I should have thought harder.

Shortly after I wrote about the poison vagina, I walked into karaoke on a typical Wednesday night. The Professor (minus Mary Ann) was waiting for me with a newspaper. In the newspaper was this blurb about an upcoming new Discovery Channel series titled "Naked and Afraid."

(Dayton City Paper: May 21-27, 2013)

Silly me! I wouldn't even consider using my lady bits -- the outer labia of my lady bits to be precise -- as fish bait. I thought skinny dipping was just skinny dipping, but evidently a woman can enjoy a sexy swim and catch dinner at the same time.

You'd think since a man was also available for dangling, he'd use his worm to catch the fish, wouldn't you? I mean, what gentleman wouldn't offer up his pole for fishing? Size alone would seem to dictate that he would be the more successful dangler of the genital fish bait. Then again, I haven't seen either of their dangly bits, so I can't properly judge who has the longer and tastier aquatic attraction. It's possible they both slapped them on the table and she ..... won?

I can imagine this conversation:

Him: "It's your turn to fix dinner tonight, honey. What are we having?"
Her: "Oh, I don't know. How about some nice fresh trout?"
Him: (hopeful) "Are you  feeling frisky or are you going fishing?"

It pains me, but I suppose now I must concede the point about the smell of various vaginas, and admit that at least one woman's vagina probably does smell very much like nice fresh trout.

Well played, Professor. Well played.

The show premiers this Sunday, June 23. I will definitely have to watch this one. Maybe I'll ask The Professor to join me.

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