Elvira: Oh shit, Mommers. I still have your debit card.
Me: You can give it to me tomorrow.
Elvira: Oh good. So I have time to buy some ridiculous shit on ebay.
Me: Please don't. Unless you want me to move in with you.
Elvira: I dunno .... You cook, clean, and provide childcare ... Mmmk. You can bunk with Coraline.
Me: I'll want my own bedroom.
Elvira: I guess you can have a pallet in the basement.
Me: Nope. I'm still holding out the hope that I will get laid someday.
Elvira: Jeez, Mom. Way to be needy.
Me: I've been practicing....
Me: [11:19 pm] Oh god. I'm craving butter popcorn so much. Would it be so awful if I ate some buttered popcorn?
Me: Oh, shut up.
Oh. My. God. When did my daughter become my mother?