Friday, August 19, 2011

I Believe in Baseball

 I went to my first minor league baseball game last night, and had a lot of fun in spite of a lingering headache.* When the city built a new stadium some years ago, people said it was a waste of taxpayers' money, it would sit empty, people would never come downtown because it's too scary and there's not enough parking....blah blah blah. The more they build, the more people come downtown. In fact, sometimes I wish some of them would stay in the suburbs. But, no, they just keep coming and the the stadium set a record this summer for the most consecutive sold-out home games. Something like 815, and that's all of them. About time I went to a game, huh? Given it's a 7-minute bike-ride from my house? (No, I didn't ride there last night, damn it.)

So the stadium was crowded with people eating and drinking: beer, nachos, dippin' dots in plastic helmets, beer, suitcase-size bags of popcorn, beer. I didn't see a single hot dog nor Cracker Jacks, but there was a lot of eating going on. Not so much cheering, which puzzled me. We cheered sometimes just to let the team know somebody was watching. People laughed at the silly games the mascots played between innings, and one of my friends was part of a skit to surprise a guy who had won $10,000. Yeah, count the zeros.

It was a laid-back, slow summer night....although I kept feeling like something was missing. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was....We swatted bugs and laughed about getting swamp ass from the plastic seats. One young mom sitting in front of us started hitting her two-year-old, and I almost went over the seat but she stopped, and so I just kept an eye on her. I was going to smack  her a good one to show her how it feels and then blame it on the brain damage when the police came, but she settled down.

The crowd got more involved toward the end, in the ninth and tenth innings, when the score was tied up and more of the balls were flying off the bats into the field than back into the stands. They must have given up three dozen foul balls to the crowd, and I was certain one would clonk me on my poor head. But as the game got tense, the team stepped up and started getting some exciting hits: a textbook line bunt and even a home run. The wall displays and the big screen urged us to cheer and stomp and clap and so we finally did. But something..... hmmmm ....what was missing?

Finally I realized what it was: I was missing Kevin.....Kevin Costner in Bull Durham. Mmmmm. Crash Davis. What a man! Maybe it's because it was my first game, but I missed the team playing to the crowd. They all went out there and did their job and they WON! But they didn't make any connection with their crowd, their audience. I wanted to fall in love with them, like fans fell in love with Crash and Nuke. Like Annie fell in love with Nuke...and Crash.

Well, life isn't a romantic comedy and Kevin Costner might not be the everyday hero he plays in so many of his movies. He probably gets puddle butt on plastic chairs like the rest of us. I enjoyed the game even though it wasn't like the movie because I was there with good friends on a hot summer night and we were sitting on our swamp asses cheering on our home team.

I leave you with the second best scene from Bull Durham, but one of the very best short monologues ever. I fall in love with this guy every time I hear it. Mmmm. I need to find me a Crash Davis.

*I'm only going to be able to claim brain damage for a few days, but I'm going to milk it for all it's worth.


  1. I know this will come as a shock to you, but real life is not the movies... :-)

  2. Kevin Costner. I can't stand him. He's a pussy. And an asshole. saying his name takes up valuable seconds of my life that I'll never get back.

  3. Well -- I loved the movie. Still do! I think it's the best thing Costner ever did. Of course, Sarandon ain't bad either.

    I also love baseball. I love going to Fifth Third Field. I enjoy the Dragons games. I had a hot dog the last time I was there. They won that night too.

    If you close your eyes and just day dream, life can be a romantic comedy -- if you want!

    So, there!

    Peace ....

  4. Such a useful contribution to the discussion.

    It's a good thing you're not the one who wants to do him.

    Kevin Costner.
    Kevin Costner.
    Kevin Costner.

    Hah! Mad you read it!

  5. Go to more games and you'll see it differently.

    Also...most of the players are between Will and Brandon's age. No grizzled old has-beens anymore.

  6. It's not like I really believe in heroes anyway....except in daydreams. I probably need to stop watching romantic comedies.

  7. Reticula understands why I hate Kevin. I have yet to see anything good out of him. He tries to be a good actor, I suppose. He's been cast enough, and I got nothing against his movies.
    And yes. It is a perfect contribution to this particular discussion.

  8. He's a really fine actor. He always seems warm, sensitive, intelligent, human, well groomed, and he's a good dancer. Probably a good kisser too--if only I could put that to the test. He's won awards, right? But he might be such a good actor because he's devoid of anything real inside; it's possible he acts because he's a shallow, dry well and acting is all he's got to offer. I've heard that can be true of some good actors. He could have me fooled. It wouldn't be the first time that happened, but since that's Kevin Costner's job, I think he should just keep on doing what he's doing.

    PS I loved Waterworld. I did. That's a confession.

  9. Isn't that the way it is... they seem so warm and sensitive and HUMAN and then it turns out it's all an act. That Costner! Must be the name.... I stand by my assessment.
    For what it's worth, I think Kevin is missing out by not being able to kiss you! His loss! Hollywood ain't got nothing on a REAL woman!
    I only saw part of Waterworld. It sounds entertaining though!
    I like Eminem. That's my confession.

  10. Yes, he would definitely benefit from kissing me, but not many men get that privilege. Not everybody can handle my superpower. ;-)

    Eminem!?!? OK, I can defend Waterworld because Kevin Costner is in it, but Eminem? Isn't he a super-misogynist asshole? What should I listen to so I can understand this stunning and unexpected confession? Would you like to write a guest post on my blog in defense of Eminem?

  11. I would be happy to write a guest post in defense of Eminem! It's all an act, the misogynistic asshole crap. He's playing a benefit for world AIDS day sometimes coming up. I'll explain in the post, my secret love.

    Nothing you listen too will help, though... it all sounds bad. I am particularly fond of his most misogynistic stuff. It has a nice beat.

    Try "Lose Yourself". It's a favorite.

    Just don't ever ask me to defend that Costner!

  12. Yay! Can't wait to read it.

    I'm sure I've shown Kevin Costner enough love to last him a while. He still hasn't called me back though. Sigh. He really is an asshole, isn't he? I don't want to believe it.