Friday, November 28, 2014

Feminist Friday: “Hi, I have a vagina ...

...and a whole new set of rules. Nevermind what’s worked for several thousand years.”

Ooops. There goes my vagina, getting everybody into trouble again. Out there building bridges and shit. Next think you know, it will want to vote.

Someone recently sent me this video (below), which is a clip from a longer discussion between Paul Elam and Tom Golden, two whiners on MANstream Media. They're men's rights activists who are angry that women are trying to play with their GI Joes. That quotation above came from the video. Go ahead and watch it. I'll wait. I'm not going to watch it again. Their false sincerity doesn't do anything for me or my vagina.

Kind of makes me want to check my vagina at the door, because, you know, I'd hate for my vagina to ruin that good thing men have going where they bully each other and that makes them more productive. And even teaches the newbies among them how to use a nail gun. Although we all know "gun" is a misnomer in this case, because a guy can't actually shoot himself in the leg accidentally. He'd have to press it really hard against his leg and release the nail .... OK, nevermind. This man's penis knows all about that shit obviously, and he doesn't need some fucking blogger with a vagina to nag him about his ignorant example of how men learn their hard-knock lessons.

His point is that men were productive and got shit done until women brought their vaginas into the workplace. And now men aren't allowed to be men and harass each other when they make mistakes, because there's a bossy vagina in the room saying they have to play nice.

Wait. How did harassment in the workplace become about men harassing men? I suspect  we might find an argument fallacy lurking around here. The problem with harassment in the workplace usually occurs when men harass women. Let's say, although I don't have a statistic, but let me just throw one out there .... Let's say 99% of harassment cases are men harassing women. It has nothing to do with nail guns or men ribbing each other good-naturedly. It's a much bigger, nastier issue that happens when men can't use their manners when a vagina is in the room.

It's like when my sister's boss used to tell her if her sweater wasn't keeping her breasts warm enough, he'd be glad to warm them up with his hands. She was a single mother with a toddler and an old car on its last legs. I guess he figured she couldn't afford to lose her job so he could say anything to her he wanted. That's harassment.

But apparently a bigger problem with harassment in the workplace is that women use their vaginas to stop men from teasing each other when they shoot themselves in the leg with a nail gun. Alrighty then.

But inserting our vaginas into the workplace isn't the only sin women commit. We've also taken over the schools, gotten rid of all competition (except football, soccer, baseball, track, swimming, debate team, math olympics, ACTs, SATs ....)

Anyway, vaginas have ruined the education system. Elam: "Look at the education system now. People graduating left and right unable to read at a grade level …uh …uh …what’s appropriate for their grade level. In some cases being functionally illiterate with a high school diploma …” Vaginas did that. Because young men aren't allowed to compete. And "that's how boys learn. They compete."

He conveniently leaves out George W. Bush's legacy of No Child Left Behind, which requires schools to test and test and test kids until they have no time for real learning. He conveniently leaves out that state legislatures and governors, the large majority of whom are male, make the laws that require schools to test and test and test. It's the low-paid vaginas who are struggling to teach in a system that has been corrupted by politicians and corporate interests, which are, once again, run by men. He leaves out that kids are so busy with homework and sports and all the other shit they do that they don't have time to hang out with friends and play a game of pickup basketball. They don't have time to think, or even to sleep enough, although they do have time for video games (more competition). Those issues are driving our education system into the ground, not the vaginas.

He needs to get his fucking facts straight. 

But let's follow his flimsy argument. Let's look at whether boys are allowed to compete. First, as I said above, sports. Second, tests. Are tests not competitive enough? Because it seems to me that the grading system and all that testing is highly competitive. I know a little bit about that, and I can tell you my students who want to excel compete for those A's. Sometimes for B's. So there's no lack of competition in schools, and it doesn't seem to be working.

The real problem is penises. That's right. Penises. If the penises stayed out of the schools and let the teachers -- the majority of whom are women because it's a low-paying job -- do our jobs, maybe kids would graduate with a higher level of reading and critical thinking skills.

It's easy to blame the vaginas, but the argument doesn't hold water. Having to work with vaginas, having to "cooperate" (which seems to be a loaded word for these guys that means "castration") shouldn't affect their ability to do their jobs. Men still have their balls, even if they aren't allowed to teabag women or men in the office.

I suspect these guys haven't seen a vagina in a very long time though ... maybe never. Maybe that's why they're blaming the entire downfall of world on women. I mean, the problems they're whining about can't have anything to do with corporate greed (mostly men) or crooked, incompetent politicians (mostly men). Nah, the problem is vaginas. Keep the vaginas at home in the kitchen and all problems will be solved. Men can get back to building bridges and boys can get back to learning how to read, so they're not such pussies when they get out into the workplace.

My sister, by the way, didn't put up with her boss's harassment forever. She filed a complaint about him and quit the job. She found another shitty job, and then another that wasn't as shitty, and now she manages a plant and makes over 6 figures. Now that takes balls a vagina.

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