Saturday, November 8, 2014

Say cheese!

(photo credit:
I need a another job. Seriously. Teaching creative writing, doing the odd freelance job, reading tarot cards, and teaching a little bit of piano are not enough. And I'm burnt like campfire toast when it comes to volunteering. (That's a post of its own. One about how I'm going to start saying "no" and mean it.) I'm considering auctioneer school, but something else that's both lucrative and sexy and would make good use of my superpower recently caught my attention.

Apparently there's a market out there for couples who want someone to come in and photograph them having sex on special occasions, like an anniversary or cancer remission, an empty nest or a Viagra refill. And it's not just fetishists or sluts either. It's all kinds of people, including devout Christians, because who doesn't want to memorialize every aspect of family values? Apparently this is a thing! Did you click the link up there? I'm not fantasizing kidding. It's a real thing that's on the news!

Obviously people who want to make "personalized porn" need a professional to help them do it, and that's where I come in. I, dear readers, have a camera. A good, heavy, professional-quality camera. And a tripod and Photoshop and the desire to hone my voyeurism skills. So I'm all set for the still shots, and hell, if it would make people happy? I would buy a video camera too. I mean, why not? Everybody likes watching home movies, right?

It's late at night, and I'm tossing around ideas for how to get started. I guess before I take out an ad on Craigslist offering my services to strangers, I should practice So, who wants to go first? I know some of you out there are married or partnered or at least getting laid. Wouldn't you like photos of your one-month anniversary sex?

Who wants to help me practice? Anybody? Please? I'm sure I'm pretty good at taking photos while people fuck, but we'll never find out if I don't get to practice. Also, I might be able to bring a fresh perspective to your bedroom playtime, give a few pointers here and there. Totally unobtrusively though. Wouldn't want to intrude on an intimate moment. And ladies! What better excuse to buy some hot new lingerie? You know you want to.

Who has their hands up? Bueller? ... Bueller?

Well, I'm not going to beg, so if you're feeling shy, but willing, shoot me an email. Or, better yet, leave a comment below so other people can see that I'm totally serious about this, and so are you. Let's light some candles, open a fresh bottle of lube, and do this thing!

No comments:

Post a Comment