Sunday, August 26, 2012


I'm not dumb enough to want a Snuggie, because anybody can figure out turning a fluffy robe backwards and sticking your arms through, right? But a pillow with a built-in hood? That is pure genius, right up there with the Glass Tank. Who wouldn't want one?

Know what else is genius? Me, posting my Christmas list right here, item by item, including stocking stuffers like this one. Fuck Pinterest. You have to read my blog to get my Christmas list, Santa Claus. And I know you do, big man.

Anyway, HoodiePillow.* I've always wanted a hood in my pillow, because my ears get cold even in the summer, and I have to sleep with the blanket pulled up over my ear. So this invention is one I've already thought of; I've just been to lazy to sew a hood onto a pillowcase. And now somebody else can do it for me.

Doesn't that look cozy? And if you buy me the black one -- which is the one I would want anyway -- I get a handsome-from-the-nose-down guy with a 5-day beard thrown in for free! Bonus! Hmmm. Maybe we're not talking stocking stuffer any more. Better put this directly in my bed so I'll find him it first thing Christmas morning. Somebody else can stick the orange sweet rolls in the oven, fry the bacon, and call me when it's time to open presents. 

And now I'm going to climb back onto the couch where I've been recovering most of the day, except when I was in bed, and try to wait for the end of this fucking food poisoning Christmas.

What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas, boys and girls?

* Disclaimer: I don't get paid for writing about anything on this blog. If I did, I would already have a HoodiePillow because companies give this shit out free to bloggers who chase that kind of tail. I don't. But I might someday. For now, I'm just posting my Christmas list.


  1. I want world peace for Christmas!

    1. Might as well ask for a pony. You're just as likely to get it.