Leaving the ivory tower

I shared on Facebook recently that I won't be teaching this semester at the university where I've been teaching for the past six years. Attendance is down drastically, classes didn't fill up like usual, and adjuncts are the first to go. I'll write more soon about the unethical way colleges exploit adjunct faculty -- the red-headed bastard stepchildren of upper academia -- while paying enormous salaries to administrators. It seems to be one of those topics that is common knowledge among academics, but is a shocking revelation to those who don't frequent ivory towers.

Friends have expressed concern, asked if I'll be OK. I will. I'm looking at options,weighing the benefits and deciding what direction I want to go.

I've already picked up a couple of freelance editing jobs, and I expect I'll find more. I've also done some more tarot readings, and again, I'd like to continue to build that area of my life. I'm considering writing that book I've always wanted to write. If E. L. James could get 50 Shades of Grey published, surely there's a niche out there for me. A number of people have asked if I'd offer writing workshops, so I said hellz yeah. I love teaching writing.

I've also been watching the new season of Weeds learning more about marketing this summer. Entrepreneurism seems like a hot career field these days. It also might be time to monetize my secret sex blog.

And I'm considering whether going the corporate 8-5 route would be a wise move. People who really know me say they can't imagine it. I can't either, but you never know whether something will fit unless you try it on. It's one thing I've never done before.

School starts this Monday, and it feels weird that I'm not tweaking my syllabus, firming up my calendar, preparing lesson plans ...... I'm so used to smelling crayons this time of year.

And it's odd to lose the label. People say you aren't what you do, but it's hard not to wrap your identity up in a neat package papered with whatever it is you do. It does affect how people see me and even treat me when I say "I teach at a university" as opposed to saying, "I'm a stripper" or "I'm a pot dealer" or "I'm the tooth fairy." All the years I homeschooled and then taught college writing, being a teacher was a strong identity. I was proud to say I taught at the university.

One of the games men like to play when they've gotten up the courage to talk to a woman is the "I bet I can guess what you do" game. I've been surprised how many guessed I was an English professor. I'm not sure what the tip-off was. Maybe I need to stop correcting people's grammar before I know their names. I have to wonder though why nobody ever guessed that I was a stripper, but no matter. Some men seem to find teachers hot.

So I'm not a teacher any more. I still have many roles -- mother, grandmother, friend, writer, editor, musician, actor, cyclist, tarot-reader, wedding officiant, woman, person, earthling.... But I'm not a teacher. I have to wonder if people will see me differently now, if they will have less respect for me now that I don't have that job, that title.

And then I think that's silly. The reason I could teach is because of what I'm doing right now. I taught because I can write - I'm a writer. Now I'm looking forward to doing more of what I do, and doing less teaching of what I do.

Have you ever felt defined by a role and then lost it? Have you ever willingly given up a role because you felt it didn't fit you any longer?