Tuesday, November 13, 2012

November 13: Poop it is then

Because I found out today that a significant number of my readers are 12-year-old boys, I have a couple of items that were shared on my Facebook today in response to last night's turd post.

I posted on the Reticulated Writer Facebook page (which you should like) that it had been a little disturbing sifting through images looking for a lighthearted photo of a turd. Google for turd images and see if it's not. There are some sick people out there and they're posting photos of their poop. I didn't want to see that shit.

One reader shared a song that burrowed into my ear and stayed there for at least an hour. (You've been warned.) It's from South Park, and evidently there's an entire episode about Mr. Hankey. This is the acceptable version of the song. If you look on youtube for yourself, you can also find the uncensored version. My recommendation is that you listen to this one first and see if you can stomach any more of Mr. Hankey before you go looking for the really dirty version.

Another reader shared art supplies -- crayons to be exact -- that a company called Playstool LeeLeeStreet had listed on etsy.com. They were picked up by regretsy.com because they look like this:

The description is from regretsy, and the comments below are hilarious. The original etsy listing is here though, and you really can buy shit crayons.

I'm always looking for unique gifts, so I thought I'd buy some. Maybe, for example, for the kids' Christmas stockings this year -- something different from the usual coal. Or maybe they'd make lovely a post-divorce anniversary present. But alas they were sold out.

Here's my question: What did they use to make the mold for this product? Real turds? Because that would be difficult, wouldn't it? I'm reminded of the Clone-a-Pussy I wrote about a few months ago. I guess the same questions stand for how you'd go about making a turd mold. The difference is that I really wanted to know the answer to the vagina mold questions.

I also wonder what else you could make with a poop mold besides the obvious: plastic poop. Poop soap? Poop Jello shots? Poop candles -- unscented, I hope? Poop marzipan cake decorations? Any other ideas?

You know, Gracie's turd would have been her dirty little secret if it had been shaped like these. They don't roll. And that would be one advantage of these over regular Crayola crayons. Then again the dearth of colors would make creativity difficult.

This just goes to show humans will never run out of poop jokes. Poop is almost as funny as farts. Almost.

Which is why I'm going to write about poop again tomorrow. Not serious poop, but funny poop. This will be the week of poo.

And to those who've complained that I write too often about vaginas, this is for you. You'll be on your knees begging me for vaginas before this week is over.

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