Here, kitty, kitty: Day 20

Wednesday Caddams, my new muse. Look out, Dolores.

I've never been a cat person. I might be a dog person, but not in the way a lot of people are dog persons. I don't fawn over every dog I see. In fact, although I like dogs, I prefer not to touch them all that much; a couple of pats is enough for me usually. And I hate being licked, jumped on, or stared at when I'm eating. A combination of the three will probably ensure I won't be coming back. I'm kind of a bitch, but dogs get that. Half of them are bitches too.

In spite of my boundaries around dogs, I enjoy living with one. One dog who has to be a standard poodle. One dog who is intelligent, protective, stays off the furniture, and doesn't shed. And who doesn't do those those things I listed above -- the licking, etc. A dog who lives with me, not the other way around. Don't hate.

Cats are a different matter. I like them, and they often like me. In fact, it's usually the cats who don't like anybody else who like me. I guess my reputation as a bitch precedes me. I will pet cats, even the standoffish ones, if they come to me. I will even let them get on my lap, although I surreptitiously pick the hairs off. But I don't want one living in my house. Or so I thought.

I have a lot of reasons for not wanting a cat. Litter boxes. Hair. Jumping on counters. Their reputations for being untrainable. Toxoplasmosis. Irrational meowing. Getting on the furniture. Litter boxes.

And yet since the middle of August I've had two cats living in my house, and I find I don't mind them so much. In fact, most nights as I write into the wee hours, this little guy, Gandalf, is purring beside me, like he is now. 

And the other day, a rare day when I found time to write while the sun was up, Wednesday Caddams, my new muse, sat on my desk and inspired me with her stony silence. Later tonight, she'll probably hop up on my bed and sleep as far from me as possible. It suits us both. (Gandalf is not allowed to sleep with me, because he wants to snuggle and I don't snuggle, but he is allowed to take a nap with me sometimes.)

It's disconcerting to me that I like don't mind these cats. Maybe it's because scooping the litter is not my job. Maybe it's because they're not permanent residents. Maybe it's because they're pretty good cats and they rarely get up on the counters. I'm not sure why they aren't driving me crazy.

The thing that has me worried though is something I did yesterday. I sent my daughter Elvira, she who brought these cats into my house, a funny cat video.

People! I do not send funny cat videos! I do not post funny cat videos on my Facebook! I don't even hit like on funny cat videos! And yet I can't deny that I crossed a personal boundary and shared -- although only with Elvira -- a funny cat video. The conversation following defines why this frightens me.

Elvira: Oh my god.
Me: I couldn't stop watching it.
Elvira: I watched it three times.
Me: I laugh every time. Oh shit. I'm a person who laughs at cat videos now. Fuck me.
Elvira: LOL. Everyone does that. It's why the internet was invented.
Me: Yeah, to make us stupider.
Elvira: Funny cats distract from the fall of capitalism.
Me: Eat the rich.
Elvira: Word.

Later she sent me this:

I responded with a laughing cat GIF  because ... and this is the terrifying part .... that's exactly what Gandalf does when I'm taking a nap! Exactly. And I thought it was funny that he might do that if I D.I.E.

You know that people can go crazy from parasites that cats carry around with them, right? Go ahead. Click the link. I'll wait.

What is crazier than posting funny cat videos and sleeping with a cat on your hip? I'm afraid it's already too late for me. I've already shared one cat video in a private message. What's to stop me from sharing one on my Facebook page now? And then sharing more and more?

And then what's to stop me from sliding down that slippery slope and getting a feline companion of my own once these cats move out? That's how they get you! They plant an organism in your brain that makes you crazy and then you take care of them and think all their insane antics are simply adorable.

This is serious! The next step is one we're all familiar with: the crazy cat lady. Next thing I know I'll be putting dozens of cans of cat food on my porch for all the feral cats and raccoons and skunks and my house will smell like cat pee and I'll have cat hair all over my clothes and then I'll change my will and leave all my money to the cats ...... I could literally scream!

This is a disaster. I don't know what I'm going to do ..... Wait! Gandalf and Wednesday suggested I watch this. They said it would make me feel better. 



Aww. Such funny kitties. Maybe we have room for one more ....