Our special today is vaginas. Day 3

My posts have been pretty serious so far this month. All two of them. So here's something a little more light-hearted.

I have a file of saved posts on Facebook -- a collection they call it -- where I save interesting things I might want to share or write about here. Those of you who have been reading for a while will probably not be surprised that one topic dominates my reticulated collection. Did you guess politics? If you said yes, you haven't been reading here long enough. If you guessed vaginas ..... Ding! Ding! Ding!

It kind of bothers me, if I'm being honest, that vaginas have become so trendy, because I am the one who writes about vaginas. (Emphasis mine.) That's my niche. Check out my  labias labels and see how many posts I've written about vaginas. Oh, sure, Eve Ensler wrote The Vagina Monologues and inappropriately forced the poor vagina to represent the entirety of the female lady bits, much to every feminist's dismay. But I'm pretty sure I was the first person to inappropriately blog about vaginas with such dedicated regularity. Not my own vagina, thank you very much, but everybody else's. And now the vagina has become an actual trend. A trend I can only assume I started.

Don't believe me? Let me offer a couple of examples.

Enough said.

How about this incredibly ugly vagina shawl, which makes the wearer look like her head is sticking out of a large, pink vagina? OK, to be fair, I don't think this scarf was meant to look like a vagina. It also comes (no pun intended) in blue (do not let your kids talk you into googling "blue waffle," no matter how much they beg) and red (which would make your head look like it's coming out of a period vagina). I suppose if you want to walk around looking like you're constantly being reborn, you could spend 750 pounds ($973.65) on this fur baby, but are you really that stupid? Be a trend-setter, not a trend-follower. Resist the vagina shawl.

Anyway ... Any beer drinkers in the house? I see your hands going up. Any vagina-beer drinkers in the house? Anybody? Bueller?



Turns out these guys can make beer with the "lactic acid bacteria" found in a Czech model's vagina. Or from your girlfriend's vagina. Or, I would assume, your own vagina, should you want to drink your own vagina. And by consuming this magical beer, you will achieve ..... I'm not sure. I'm confused by the entire concept. Somehow by drinking beer made from the magical vaginal bacteria of this one Czech model a person will .... what? Feel like a sexy magical Czech model? Feel like they've fucked a magical Czech model? Become attractive to women who look like magical Czech models? Get drunk? I don't get it and this is my trend!

I don't understand the purpose of vagina beer. And that's a problem, because I've written a lot about vaginas and I have a vagina, so I know vaginas. Vagina  beer is simply trying too hard. Grow the fuck up.

Obviously I've started a trend, which is a double-edged sword. On the plus side, my Facebook file will be fat with potential vagina fodder. OTOH, maybe you're getting bored with vaginas and you're ready to move on to the next cutting edge topic and you're looking to me to start something. Something that can top even vaginas.

I fear I'm a one-trend woman. I'm not sure I have two trends in me. Vaginas have been so good to me that I haven't been hungry. I haven't been looking for the next never-trendy topic that no other blogger will touch.

In other words, we might be stuck with vaginas, my friends. Stuck with, I said, not stuck in. Where was your mind?

Anyway, you never forget your first, so feel free to continue sending me interesting vagina stories. (You know who you are.) And I will continue to write about them until I feel the next .... oh .... oh ..... oh .... YES ..... trend coming on.