Day 4: Fuck Monday

via GIPHY


Fuck Monday. That's all I have to say tonight. Fuck Monday.

OK, I lied about not having more to say, but what a day. It started when the doorbell yanked me out of a deep sleep early this morning. Crow, in spite of or because of his injured leg, practically threw himself down the stairs, which, if you ask me, he shouldn't have even gone up last night, but by the time I figured out he was on his way up, it was too late to turn him around and besides I was in bed. I rolled over and closed my eyes to try to squeeze another half hour out of the night, but Coraline, who didn't have school and didn't have to be up either, decided it was a good time to practice her piano lessons. Given what I pay for them, the girl had better learn to play well enough to support us in my old age. I got up. Why not. Sleep is overrated. Fuck sleep.

The vet's office didn't open until 1:00 so after I finished with one of my part-time jobs (I have several in this great economy), I loaded poor Crow in the van and headed to the vet. She doesn't have an x-ray machine so until we can determine if it's just a sprain or needs more expensive attention he's on heavy drugs, bed rug rest, and restricted movement. It other words I have to take him out into the fenced back yard on a leash so he can do his business but not run around the yard every time he goes out. The vet said it could be weeks. Then she charged me $156.00 and told me to come back next week. So she can charge me more. Fuck unexpected vet bills four months in a row.

We got home and I had just enough time to scoop the poop in the back yard before Coraline's piano lesson. I have a whole blog post coming up about poop, because poop is pretty much my life and not just on Mondays, but let me just say here that two dogs can produce an unbelievable amount of poop between them. Like half a 13-gallon bag in less than a week. That's 6.5 gallons or more a week. I can't even. Of course I stepped on some random turd and had to change shoes, but you probably expected that. Fuck dog poop.

Off we went to piano lessons, arriving late because I hit not one but two minor traffic jams. At least I got half an hour to sit on the couch in the waiting room and scroll through Instagram. After lessons we hurried to the 5th/3rd bank at a nearby Kroger where I was supposed to have an appointment to meet with my Girl Scout co-leader to open a checking account. When I got there, they knew nothing about our appointment, and said it would be at least an hour before a "banker" could see us. I called my co-leader and told her I couldn't wait. This was our second attempt to get a checking account. We're going to try again later in the week. Because it's worked out so well before. Fuck bankers.

Back home I turned on the oven to preheat. I'd bought some expensive cauliflower-crust pizzas at Kroger because I couldn't face cooking a whole meal. While the oven heated I took Crow out on his leash and walked him around in the rain that started the very second we stepped outside and apparently ended as soon as we came in. He didn't go. Fine. I baked the pizzas and we ate them and they tasted like dog poop. I ended up throwing out the leftover two halves. Fuck pizza.

I did have a ray of hope though. This little laptop I'm typing on is one I bought about a year ago. The battery stopped charging, and, although I've tried many things, I haven't been able to fix it. I can use it plugged in, but that defeats the purpose of a laptop. I thought it was a malfunction of the AC adapter plug, which can't be fixed, but tonight my son Drake sent me instructions for going into the bios and flashing it or something. I was excited even though the word "bios" terrifies me. I followed the directions and even made some up. I hit the button to do the magic bios flashing and .... this update can only be done if the battery is above 10%. It's at 4%. Did I mention it won't charge. I tried once more just because I love that feeling of deep, gut-burning disappointment. Same. Fucking. Result. Fuck Dell.

Fuck Monday.

I hope your day was better than mine. Tell me one good thing that happened to you today and I'll try to think of something to add in the comments too. It might take a while .....