Day 29: Gratitude: Coraline

Coraline with Margaret Catwood
Photo credit: Reticulated Writer

I was trying to decide what to write about tonight on this next-to-last night of NaBloPoMo, and I realized I hadn't written a gratitude post yet this month. I should write at least one gratitude post in the Thanksgiving month, because I have so much to be grateful for. And then I realized some of you reading here this month might not know my 8-year-old granddaughter Coraline and me in real life, so I'm going to write about her.

Coraline has lived here with me in our big 145-year-old Queen Anne Victorian house for over four years. I can hear some of you thinking, Wait just a dang minute there, Reticula. You're raising yet another generation now, in your golden years, and you're talking about gratitude? I don't get it!

I'll tell you what. A lot of people don't get it -- unless they know us. Even then, I've heard," She's so lucky to have you," and "You're such an angel," and "How do you keep up?" and other variations on the theme.

Here's how I answer: I'm the lucky one. A little background: I'm the oldest of five kids and I have two of my own. I've been raising or helping to raise kids for a lot of years. But I still consider myself lucky, because if I am going to raise another child at my age, I am raising the perfect child. Not that she's perfect. Neither of us are. But she's the perfect child for me. I know other grandparents who are raising their grandchildren and from my perspective, as much as they love their grandchildren, they're not as lucky. They've got a lot of problems we don't have. My daughter's only unhealthy habit during her pregnancy was smoking. Same while she breastfed Coraline for a year and a half. She was careful. I didn't have to deal with fetal alcohol syndrome or a baby born addicted to drugs or any of the many other issues custodial grandparents deal with. We do have some issues that led to Coraline living here -- obviously. But Coraline is bright, healthy, empathetic, out-going, confident, so compassionate ... I could go on, but you get the idea. I am lucky and I am grateful. And I know many of you who know us in real life will give me a Blessed Be or an Amen.

I will admit I don't get to do some of the things I did the few years I was single and living alone. Or I don't get to do those things as often. Shrug. I'm doing other things. I'm a Girl Scout leader again. We go camping with my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson. We go to women's basketball games at my alma mater. Now that she's learned to ride her bike, we can do that together, and we'll ride farther and faster as she gets older. We go on fun day trips and we have groups of friends we socialize with. We go to church together. Oh, my god. You should see her dance in church. I'm not the only one who loves this child and her amazing spirit. She's taking piano lessons, and we're going to play a duet for her Christmas recital. Instead of making me feel old trying to keep up, raising Coraline keeps me younger, I think.

Are there some drawbacks? Are you a parent or have you been? Are there ever not trade-offs when you're raising kids? I confess I feel guilty that I can't spend as much time with my grandson as I think I would otherwise. On the other hand, Coraline is so good with him and he adores her. I'm not a morning person, so that 7:15 alarm doesn't excite me every morning. Neither does the drive to the school twice a day, although we have a carpool this year, so that helps. I miss doing some things with my friends when I don't have childcare, but I also do some things I wouldn't otherwise have done, so I don't dwell. There are other things I know I'm missing out on, but nobody gets a guarantee that they'll do everything in life they want to do. And I have to say, Coraline is a good excuse not to date. I'm sure that's not the only bad decision she saves me from making.

So, yes, my life took a turn I didn't expect. Doesn't every life? And I'm grateful for every day I get to be in Coraline's life and that she is in mine. Have I mentioned she loves to mop (for now) and begs to be the one to mop the kitchen floor? See? Wouldn't you be grateful too?

I'll end with this Coralineism from earlier today.

Coraline: What do you think happens to toys when they die?

Me: I'm not sure I understand the question.

Coraline: If toys are secretly alive, if a toy dies then the kid won't know it.

Me: I never thought about that.

Coraline: Yeah, and then the kid will keep playing with the toy and all the other toys will have to watch him play with a toy corpse.

Me: I guess it's a good thing toys aren't secretly alive. I don't know how we'd solve that dilemma.

Coraline: Well, we don't really know though, do we?

Me: No, and now you're giving me the creeps. Are you ready for another pancake?