Tuesday, November 17, 2015

NaBloPoMo #17: Coralineisms #103

And now for another installment of I'm a doting grandmother Coralineisms: adorable and/or crazy shit my granddaughter said.

Worst bad guy ever

Coraline: I'm going to gun you!
Me: You're going to what?
Coraline: Gun you. I'm going to gun you.
Me: That sounds unpleasant.
Coraline: (pointing at me with a knot I've tied in a curtain to get it out of the way) I'm gunning you with flowers. Now you're covered with flowers!
Me: That's certainly much better than I expected.

Worst vampire ever

Coraline: I’m a vampire.
Me: Do you know what vampires drink?
Coraline: Yes, but I don't drink blood. I drink the smell of roses.

Where does she get her way with words?

We're at United Dairy Farmers buying peach ice cream for the second time that week.  We might have had a bit of an addiction for a short while, but we're working our program this month. The clerk holds out the receipt.

Me: You can have that, Coraline. I'll take the ice cream.
Coraline: OK. I need it anyway.
Me: What are you going to do with it?
Coraline: Sit on it?
Me: Sit on it? Huh?
Coraline: Sit on it. It is a receipt.
(If you don't get it, leave me a comment.)

They don't serve ice cream in jail

Me: After we go to the dog park if we see a place we'll stop for ice cream.
Coraline: And steal it.
Me: Steal the ice cream?
Coraline: Yes, steal the ice cream.
Me: Why would we steal it? We don't need to ...
Coraline: I didn't say steal all the ice cream. Just one big can of ice cream.
Me: That's generous.
Coraline: I know.

Sometimes I don't know what to say

Last month I drove to Asheville, NC, for a few days to visit a friend. I happened to go during the 6-month anniversary of her 18-year-old son’s suicide. When I got home, Coraline and I talked about my trip.

Coraline: Does your friend have a daughter?
Me: She has 2 daughters. I met one of them. You would have liked her. She’s sweet and pretty and she works in an ice cream shop.
Coraline: Did you meet her son?
Me: No, I didn’t get to meet her son.
Coraline: Why not?
Me: Her son died a few months ago.
Coraline: Why did he die?
Me: (Long pause. Coraline has talked quite a bit about death lately, and how afraid she is that I will die, and she’ll miss me too much. I just didn’t think she was ready for the concept of suicide, so I did something I rarely do. I lied equivocated.) Her son fell off a bridge.
Coraline: And he died?
Me: Yes, he died.
Coraline: And then did his mommy pick him up in her arms and carry him?
Me: No, not this time. She couldn’t do that this time.
Coraline: Who carried him?
Me: This time a paramedic took care of him. Someone like Aunt Montana. You remember she’s a paramedic? She took care of him, and then he rode in an ambulance ….
Coraline: Was his mommy sad?
Me: Yes, very sad.
Coraline: I think she wanted to pick him up and carry him.
Me: She would have if she could. She will always carry him in her heart though. That’s just a different way of carrying him.
Coraline: She will always love him.
Me: Yes, she will always love him. Come here and give me a hug. I love you. (I give her a big hug and get a big one in return.)
Coraline: I love you the most.
Me: Oh, you ... you win again.

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