Friday, November 13, 2015

NaBloPoMo #13: Hey, boy ....

As she promised, Coraline was happy, and apparently sticking out her tongue, when the nurses wired her up for her sleep study. My daughter Elvira reported she was not only the youngest but also the best behaved there. Apparently a boy in another room was bothering her with his temper tantrum, so she sat up in bed and yelled, "Hey, boy! Quit being a baby." (Before anybody goes off on the "boys have a right to their feelings too and we need to stop making them repress them" subject, I assure you she would have said the same thing to another girl. She's an equal-opportunity represser of feelings.) Maybe that boy's parents should have shown him the photos of happy kids in sleep studies that I showed Coraline.

Now, fingers crossed they documented her snoring and the instances when she stops breathing. It's tense listening to someone stop breathing every minute or so. You can't ignore that shit, because what if she doesn't start up again? Sleeping with her is like sleeping with an old fat man.

My son Drake had sleep apnea too, starting when he was a newborn. I told his pediatrician he stopped breathing over and over while he slept, but the doctor told me I was just being a nervous first-time mom. Asshole. I know when somebody's not breathing. Having a baby didn't make me a fucking idiot. Also, I'm the oldest of 5 kids. I remember changing my little sister's diapers when I was 5 years old. I was probably the least nervous first-time mother he saw that year.

Finally after 6 years of ear infections and antibiotics and ear tubes, an allergist found out his adenoids were huge and pressing on his airway. No shit! It took 6 years for them to find out what I'd already told several doctors was happening from the beginning.

Anyway, I hope Coraline's doctor gets it right the first time, so we can both sleep better when she spends the night. If I wanted to sleep with a fat old man, I'd get on Piece of Fish and find me one.

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