If you and I were sharing a bottle of wine, I'd call it a
damn miracle if you got more than one glass out of it. Let's share a box
tonight, OK? To be fair, I've enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend that
started with food, and had lots of good times with family and friends in the middle, and ended with playing music with a friend. Who could
complain?
I could. I could complain about mice, because for the first
time since I moved into this house almost 2 years ago, I have fucking mice
coming inside my house. And don't say everybody gets a mouse in the house every
now and then, because 1. Not me. I do not get mice in my house. And 2. I've killed 9 fucking mice in the past month.
Nine. (To be fair, I killed 8 and Crow Cocker killed one while I was at church
one day. My dog is part cat, which is probably why he's such an asshole.) I even had to buy some fancy traps from Amazon, so I could dump the carcass and
reload quickly. They're so efficient, I don't even have to replenish the peanut butter. I highly recommend them.
I still can't figure out where the little bastards are
getting in, so I might have to spread a fine layer of flour all
over my house and try to find tiny footprints. I suspect the reason they're moving
in on me is because the house next door to me has been empty for 6+ years, ever
since the pedophile who lived there went to prison. This past fall the bank
finally put it on the market, and to do so, they cut down all the brush and
vegetation in the yard over there, and cleaned out all the shit that gets left
behind in a house and a garage when the owner goes to prison. That's the only
thing that's changed, so I'm blaming my problems on the ecosystem being
disturbed over there. Ultimately, it's the pedophile's fault.
I hate them so much. Fucking mice. They make me feel dirty.
I'm at war!
If you and I were sharing a box of wine, I would ask if you've
ever heard of using vaginal yeast to make sourdough starter. Or maybe a better
question is whether you'd eat bread made from sourdough starter that had
vaginal yeast growing in it. Or I should say possibly had vaginal yeast added to it that
didn't grow, because there's no way to know if the vaginal yeast survived.
Anyway, would you? I ask because of a blogger named Stavvers, whose blog is titled
"Another Angry Woman." When she realized she had a yeast infection blooming down under, she dipped into her bread box and collected said yeasty discharge on a dildo and made sourdough starter with it.
I don't need to recap the entire experience. You can read it here.
I'm going to answer first and say I don't think I'd enjoy
eating sourdough bread made from (possible) vaginal yeast. It's not because I
think anything about the vagina is disgusting. I'm sure a number of you have
dined with pleasure on such a delicacy before, and more than once. In other
words, people eat pussy. I just can't let go of the connection between how a
yeast infection feels so burny and itchy and the idea of putting that yeast
infection in a loaf of bread and then eating it. That's why the other animals
wouldn't help you make that fucking bread, Little Red Hen!
However, yeast does grow in the vagina all the time. And other
places in our bodies too. It's only a problem when it gets overgrown, and then
we call that an infection. So .... if I
say I don't want to eat vaginal yeast bread, does that mean I need to work on
my love of the vagina? Maybe it does. I don't know.
Your turn. Would you eat it? The bread, I mean. Please answer in the comments section.
If you and I were sharing a box of wine, I would complain
that the final harbinger of winter has finally arrived. I tried, as I do every
year, to pretend that winter simply wasn't going to happen, and the lovely fall
weather would carry through until spring hit us with mud. This in spite of the
fact that I had my furnace on early in October. And then there were all those
leaves that fell off the trees and the garden dying back, the pumpkins on the
porches and the taste of pumpkin pie spice in every damn thing. I had warning
enough. But this morning, I had to give in, because this morning .... This morning, damn it, I had to put
lotion on my butt.
Winter is near, my friend. Let's pour another glass. We'll
be switching to hot toddies soon enough.
No, I would not eat bread made with yeast infection yeast. give it to the mice.
ReplyDeleteMice will eat anything.
Delete"In other words, people eat pussy. I just can't let go of the connection between how a yeast infection feels so burny and itchy and the idea of putting that yeast infection in a loaf of bread and then eating it."
ReplyDeleteGimme some of that wine! HILARIOUS!!!
Let me fill you a glass! Thanks for stopping by. :-)
Delete